MeditationMeditation for PeaceHow to Manage Family Life #3Dhamma that Creates a Beautiful MindDhamma that Creates a Beautiful MindWith a thorough understanding of the first three factors, it is time for the marriage to continue on to a higher level of morality with more strength and stability. If the husband and wife lack the morals in being together, they will not be able to sustain the love they have towards each other on a long-term basis, since the heart of the family is based on the foundation of morals embraced by the husband and wife.We should train ourselves to become independent prior to marriage. Our grandparents introduced Dhamma for Laypersons as a guideline to self-training. Even after we get married and have a family, we still have to practice Dhamma for Laypersons at a higher level. One of the four virtues that a householder will most often exercise and that will have the greatest impact on the family is endurance (khanti) and sacrifice (Caga).After the wedding, a higher level of endurance is required in order to withstand possible conflicts. In other words, it is the ability to have endurance for others’ weaknesses. Once the couple is married and begins living together, there will be many responsibilities one must undertake for one’s spouse and one’s relatives. A higher degree of endurance is required at this stage in order for the entire family to make it through.Sacrifice is needed at a greater level as well, mainly to eliminate negative emotions. In other words, it is the need to maintain a calm mind through the regular practice of meditation so no distress results from family conflicts. Even if we dislike a member of our spouse’s family, we have to learn to live with them so the problem does not develop into ongoing anger within the family. We must discard our tempers, so that fights and vengefulness are no longer a possibility.The level of sacrifice when all negative emotions are eliminated from the mind is referred to in Buddhism as, gentleness or soracca, which means the mind refined to a calm state.Therefore, in focusing on the refinement of the mind, our grandparents referred only to endurance and gentleness from Buddhist teachings as the main virtues to help refine the mind. It is also a way to condense Dhamma for Laypersons to only aspects of mind regulation.When a situation arises that requires endurance, we must try to calm our minds as if we have a volcano inside ready to erupt that we are almost unable to take, but we must be able to endure.Gentleness can be explained as the attempt to reduce the heat in the volcano that can cause an eruption at anytime, by using many strategies to ease the mind. But there is no beter way to prevent the mind from chaos than by simply closing the eyes and meditationg, setting all worries aside, stilling the mind and ignoring past conflicts.When the mind is still, we will not feel the need to endure anything. Our manners and expressions will be as peaceful as the mind, as if nothing had happened. In turn, whomever we encounter will also be calm, as they feel the peace and beauty we maintain in our minds. The calm and peaceful state of mind we share with others will conquer all.Thus, to elevate our morality to a higher level, we must rely on these two major virtues which are endurance and gentleness. They are Dhamma that creates a beautiful mind.After the wedding, a higher level of endurance is required in order to withstand possible conflicts.Magic Spells to Prevent DivorceWe have learned up to this point that our grandparents continued to discover how to develop endurance and gentleness in their minds. So they converted these virtues into metaphors for practical purposes, which included the following four magic forms of conduct:Magic Form of Conduct # 1: Eyes like the knots of a bamboo tree.Magic Form of Conduct # 2: Ears like handles on a wok.Magic Form of Conduct # 3: Body like a doormat.Magic form of Conduct # 4: Mind like the earth.Our grandparents were able to use the environment to illustrate Dhamma, serving as lessons for mind purification. This shows the high level of morality they have. The explanation of each metaphor is as follows:1) Eyes like the knots of a bamboo tree, means we should keep an unshifting gaze. This includes not paying attention to stressful situations and not meddling in the business of others to find fault or cause devastation resulting in later gossip. It will cause our minds to pick up the problems of others and we will never learn how to look for the good in life.Our grandparents created this metaphor from seeing a bamboo ladder-pole.A bamboo ladder-pole is constructed from a type of forest bamboo. The poles are cut into sections long enough for the feet to step on. It can be tied to a tree as a ladder to assist with tree climbing. If the branches are too tall, several ladders can be tied together to reach the top.People who live in fields of sugar-palm trees know the benefit of the bamboo ladder-pole, which can be used as a ladder to climb up very tall palm trees.To make this type of bamboo ladder-pole, villagers will keep the long bamboo trunk intact by not dividing it at the knot (the bamboo connection). Instead, in-between the knots, they will cut grooves about one foot apart to serve as steps for the ladder. For this reason, the bamboo trunk must have very strong and big knots; otherwise it will not be able to support the climber’s weight.When a villager climbs the sugar-palm tree, he will lean the bamboo ladder-pole against the tree and climb up step by step to the top. If it is a male tree, he will cut the stalks and use a bamboo tube to hold the liquid to make palm sugar. But if it is a female tree, he will pick the fruit, squeeze out its liquid, and mix the liquid with flour to make palm cake to sell as a dessert.Our grandparents with minds centered on Dhamma, noticed that the vital part of the bamboo ladder-pole was the quality of the knots eyes) on the bamboo trunk. The stronger the knots, the safer it will be to climb to reap the benefits of the sugar-palm trees.Humans also have eyes. We must train our eyes to be like bamboo knots, because the most important aspect of eyesight is, “Don’t look at things you aren’t supposed to see. Don’t look for trouble. Don’t look at other people’s problems. Don’t look for faults in others. Don’t flutter your eyes so others can follow, because it will shift the trouble from the eyes to your mind and into your home.”A person who is able to control where his eyes see will have a mind that is more calm and alert. Whenever he thinks, the thoughts will always be good. Spoken words will be positive, improving the mind which will extend to others.Anyone who can restrain their eyes as our grandparents advised will see the world optimistically, will not have the pessimistic way see the world optimistically, will not have the cause of extramarital affairs. Conflicts the arise from the eyes will be avoided and the mind can maintain its calm and peaceful state.Thus, to control the mind through the eyes by training the eyes to be like the knots of a bamboo tree is the way to elevate the mind’s beauty. This is the first magic form of conduct to prevent divorce.2) Ears like handles on a wok means we should only listen to what is appropriate. Do not try to listen for other peoples’ faults or eavesdrop because of your paranoia that someone may be gossiping about you. Do not believe the gossip of others; be cautious and listen only half-heartedly. Try to change the subject whenever the conversation topic is not worth listening to. We may end up being perceived as foolish, and can form the habit of finding fault and gossiping about others, which is very harmful to our accumulation of virtue.Our grandparents did not want us looking like fools who do nothing but listen to the faults of others with no chance for progress. Our grandparents cautioned us with a metaphor like, Ears like handles on a wok, which means listening to valuable messages that increase our knowledge and our virtues.A truly wise person is one who knows what is worth listening to andwhat is not worth listening to, in order to keep the mind serene.When we are in the kitchen, we can clearly see that the handles on a wok are only for holding the wok, and we are to hang it up when finished. It is the same with people’s ears; they are not to be used for listening to gossip, because other people’s troubles have nothing to do with us.Our ears should only be used for listening to things that bring us wisdom, morals and virtues. This is the ears’ real purpose.Whenever you hear anything, you must decide whether to listen or not. If it is not useful, you must learn to make your ear like a wok handle. Then the problems of others will not get a chance to enter your mind.When some people learn they are being gossiped about, they become so furious that they could kill the person who started the rumor. But if we know how to turn our ears into a wok handles, those words would have no affect on us. Soon the gossip will blow away with the wind.Even when we hear some people speak ill of us, we should not take it to heart. Just let them curse. As long as we do not take it to heart, the obscenities will return to the person who started it, because they are the first person to hear their own words.Our grandparents also remind us that, even if we do not get angry over these ill words, we should not immediately think we are great. It is greater when a person does not even smile when they are complimented. They remain serene while they consider the reason for the compliment and if it is rational. This person is truly a special person.Most people tend to be content and proud when they receive a compliment. For example, a girl is so content and proud when she receives compliments from her boyfriend. She decides to get married just because she was so infatuated by a compliment such as, “My dear, you are so beautiful,” serene and not so infatuated with the compliment, she could have lived comfortably by herself, without having headaches wondering if her husband is having an affair.A truly wise person is one who knows what is worth listening to and what is not worth listening to, in order to keep the mind serene.Therefore, a person who knows how to control the mind by knowing when to make their ears like wok handles tends to have a peaceful mind. This is a way to elevate the mind’s beauty. This is the second magic form of conduct that prevents divorce." /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " />
How to Manage Family Life #3
[ 12 ม.ค. 2555 ] - [ 18262 ]
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