More Than Sorrow

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CASE STUDY

More Than Sorrow

Dear Luang Phaw,

If my son was still alive; I would be the rain when his mind was hot, I would be the fire to give warmth when he was cold, I would be the melody to comfort when he was lonely, and I would be the star-light when he looked up. However, I have lost my son who is my beloved and cared one. Also, I am suffering with my life partner. My life used to be smooth and now it’s like rock and roll. Every pace of my life feels like stepping on the rocks full of pain and sorrow. Even though I bleed, I still have to continue my steps. Nevertheless, I am still ready to stand up and move forward to a brighter destination. Beyond all things in this restless world, there is only the word from Luang Phaw that helps soothe me.

I have seven siblings. When I was young, my parents ran a restaurant business. They did not have time to look after their children. They had my grandmother and uncle to raise us. Growing as a teenager, I returned to stay with them. There were a number of guys chasing after me. One of them was my good friend in school who had five precepts and diligence. He came to help out at the restaurant with cooking, grocery shopping and dish-washing until the restaurant closed and returned to his dormitory at 4 o’clock in the morning. He had been doing this for seven years. He was arrested by the Police who misunderstood him as bad man. He was nice and helped everything without expecting things besides being close to me. This made me appreciate his good deeds so my heart was given to only him. We then got married. Later, he started the air-conditioning business at outer provinces. I however worked in Bangkok and met my husband only once a week. Our first witness of love is a daughter who is eighteen years old. She is smart and received a scholarship for first rank in interior design major of a famous private university. She is also my life consultant.

When she was nine years old, I wanted to have a son. I then made a wish to have a son as well as hold eight precepts on a quarter moon day. I finally got the son as desired. He was born with love from everyone. Especially my husband’s sister; who is single, loves him more than me as a mother. My husband’s sister helped prepare food for alms-offering in the morning together. However, there was a tragedy. When my baby was one-and-half years, a man called regarding business with my husband. They set a place to meet each other at a gas station. My husband, I, my daughter, and my baby went together at the gas station. We had been waiting for him for hours until we could not wait any longer. Getting home, my baby threw up. After doing blood test at hospital, he was diagnosed with Leukemia. I had been watching him with bonded love as well as made a detailed note on his treatment. I intended to have him read when growing up and let him know the big love from his mother. I dedicated to take care of him that lasted a little more than four years. He later left me when he was six years and two months old. My heart almost shut down. I did not know from which retribution I had to be separated from my beloved son. The more I think of him, the more I thought of old times like the day he was born. I needed an operation as he could not be delivered naturally like his older sister did. My thought went back beyond to the period of waiting to deliver him. I had been chanting “Itipiso” and “Pahung” mantra to help him deliver safely. But when he passed away, I also had to repeat on the same chant starting from Nonthaburi till Samutsakorn to deliver his relic for the last time….

I brought my diary of him to publish as to be useful for himself and Buddhism. Revenue from the book-selling was charitable with a temple. There are still thousands of them. I carry them to sell in different book-week events as well as separately sell them. While selling, I would teach children to prostrate mothers’ feet before they went to bed.

After I lost my son, even though I was very depressed, I had to follow dream in dream kindergarten student’s principle, which is to dedicate merits 7 days in a row for him to receive full merits. After I could recover from my son’s death, it seemed like my destiny or retribution was teasing me again because my husband was cheating on me. I was very sad; it was like my heart was torn into too many pieces because I had never thought before. I was crying a lot because I highly trusted him. This is a human’s life cycle - happiness and sadness. I have to keep my sorrow of the death of my son and the love for unfaithful husband deep inside. My husband’s sister, who used to take good care of my son, does not talk to me without any reason, but she built up a big and beautiful house for me and my daughter. She also hires housekeeper to clean up the house for me.

She was a hot-tempered person. One day, after I came back from the Dhammakaya temple, I told her that I brought back merits to her. She said that I did not need to do that next time. I installed Dhamma satellite, but I can watch only in my room. I want to have my husband’s father watch, but she did not allow. Father of my husband used to drink liquor and smoke, but later on he quit. He died at the age 67 years with stroke. Before he passed away, I repeated over and over again about merits to him and also asked for forgiveness to each other all the time. I had also cast Buddha images for my husband’s parents with my bonus money.

I have joined the Dhammakaya temple since 1992, and I was a leader of Katina ceremony of 84 year-old Khun Yay. I also attained all merits with the temple. I had faced the grace of Luang Pu on Magha Puja day when I represented as a devotee to circumambulate the Maha Dhammakaya Cetiya. I normally bring a reminder of my son with me in a red small purse, which are umbilical cord and 3 teeth of him. I lost it while I circumambulated. I was very miserable because this is the only thing left from my son. I then kneeled down and asked Luang Pu for help I did not even finish my wish, when I heard they announced that someone found a red purse and could have it back from a teaching monk. I was very glad, and really believed in Luang Pu’s grace. Later on the teaching monk was afraid that my mind might be depressed; he therefore asked for my red purse as alms, which was a medium of my sorrow and lonely heart, and changed it to crystal ball.

I used to meet Khun Yay and offered her gold to cast Luang Pu’s image. I also asked Khun Yay about my lost wedding ring, and she told me not to trust anyone. In the past, when Khun Yay took care of refectory, she had to inspect everything by herself. That was all she said to me, I did not want to bother her. The day that I lost my ring was a quarter moon day, and while I held 8 precepts, I took my ring off and wrapped with tissue. It was gone. It was kind of telling me something about my relationship with my husband because I had joined the temple for quite long time, but he did not understand me. The distance of our faithful hearts to the triple gem was very far, but I have never lost faith and will continue to pursue perfection along with Luang Phaw.

The youngest son of my youngest brother had a defective heart since he was born. He was continuing his treatment until he turned 2 years and 3 months old, before he died in March 2006. While he was alive, he liked to watch Dhammakaya satellite very much. When the evening chanting had arrived, he would say “evening chanting, evening chanting” and turned on DMC. When it was time for meditation, he would tell a person who was not meditating, to meditate. He often saved money in his saving box, and made a wish to attain Dhammakaya easily. He could follow and pray for the triple gem on “Itpiso chayunto” mantra. He often came to the temple 7 days after he died. His parents lived nearby the Dhammakaya temple, and they do almsgiving, offer meals to monks, and free fishes and animals. They also brought requisites from 7 days of the funeral, withdrew cash and closed the bank account, and brought gold to offer to be a host of “supreme millionaire” in the ceremony on April 22, 2006.

I would like to ask the following questions:

1. What retribution made my son have Leukemia? Is this related to waiting at the gas station for long hours because later on I heard news from radio if children inhale benzyl for long, it will damage bone-marrow? Is this the cause of the disease in this life?

What past deeds made him have this disease? Does he repay all this retribution?

2. When my son was alive, he joined all merits with the Dhammakaya temple. Is it true about what my son said while he was meditating, that he saw crystal ball?

Before he passed away, I told him beside his ear to circumambulate the Cetiya. Did he do as I said?

Where has he been reborn? Has he received all merits that I have dedicated to him? Has he passed any message to me or his family?

3. What Kamma did my husband’s father have so he died with stroke? Where has he been reborn after passing away? Has he received merits that we have dedicated to him? Has he understood about merits?

4. How was my husband’s sister related to me and my son, so we bond very much?

Why do I and my daughter live in the house that my husband’s sister built for us and she also hires a housekeeper to clean the house? Why does she not speak to me?

How do I repay her gratitude from her loving to my son and family?

5. What retribution made my nephew have defective heart since he was born and had short life? Has he repaid all this retribution? Why did he like to watch Dhamma Satellite and be keen on merits very much?

When he was alive, he said that he saw golden Dhammakaya image in his stomach. Did he really see it? Did my nephew circumambulate the Cetiya after passing away?

Where has he been reborn? Has he received merits that we have dedicated to him? Has he passed any message to us?

Will he be reborn to pursue perfection with the Dhammakaya community again? What should I do for him to be with Luang Pu?

6. After I had my oldest daughter and before my son, I had a miscarriage in the 6th week of my pregnancy. Has my child been reborn? Has he received the merits that I have dedicated to him?

7. I have Hyperthyroidism and neck pain and it aches all the way down from neck to both sides of shoulder tip like there is someone riding on my neck. Nowadays, it is common for people who work on computers for long hours. What retribution caused me these illnesses? How can I resolve this to relive from this suffering?

8. My husband currently owns 10 houses and land and many vehicles but I have to rely on my husband’s sister and I sometimes ride company’s vehicles, buses or taxis because I do not know how to drive. What kamma have I had so that I do not utilize my husband’s properties? How do I resolve this?

9. What deeds in the past made me lose my wedding ring?
Why did Khun Yay Acharn Upasika say to me, “Do not trust anybody”?

10. What should I do to change my husband to have right view, visit temple and practice meditation? Is it true about what a fortuneteller said that he would ordain the rest of his life? Had he ever accrued merits from ordination? What should I do to persuade him to ordain?

11. Why does my life face with separation and unfaithful husband? How do I resolve this? Will my family be all together again? What should I do with my life?

12. How had I, my husband and my daughter pursued perfection with the Dhammakaya community? Will my dead son be reborn to pursue perfection together again? Will I have a chance to meet him again?

The highest respects to you.

Luang Phaw's Dream

I closed my eyes, dreamed and woke up with these answers.

When you tell anybody the story like a tale, it will make anyone know more about retribution (Law of Kamma)

1. Your son had Leukemia because, in the past life, when he was merchant trading with government, he often bribed government officer to reduce specifications of materials and often ordered others to slaughter animals to serve guests.

This retribution is light now but still has remnant left. Smelling benzyl slightly supports mutation of bone-marrow.

2. When your son was alive, he had accrued all merits with Dhammakaya temple and said when he meditated, he saw crystal ball. He truly saw it but it was wholesome omen.

When he was about to die, he did not follow his mother’s instruction but his mind is wholesome because of merits he had accrued.
After passing away, he vanished and appeared to be a smart angel in the second level of heaven [Tavatimsa] phase 3 as a result from merits making with Dhammakaya community, especially the last phase of his life.
He had received merits you had dedicated to him and it made his heavenly treasures increase.
He left message to thank you and rejoice merits you had accrued to dedicate to him, especially thank you for bringing him to accrue merits so that he can be there and also left message to you to not regret that he was not with you and now he is very happy.

3. Your father-in-law passed away from stroke because of his past kamma that he slaughtered animals for snacks often.

After passing away, he becomes general level of earth-sprite. He had received all merits you had dedicated to him which makes him have better conditions in all aspects. He left message to thank you and rejoice merits you had accrued to dedicate to him. The merits help to close a gate to unfortunate realm. He now understands more about wholesomeness than when he was human.

4. Your husband’s sister has very strong bond with your son because of wholesomeness they had accrued together in the past life, and at present, she would like to have a son as well as they were relatives who supported each other in past life.

You and your daughter live in the house that she built and there is a housekeeper to clean and tidy up the house but she does not talk to you because she loves your son and used to support each other as relatives. However, she does not like that you have accrued merits at the temple often.

To compensate her love to your son and your family; you have to well treat her, do not mind her, help her in whatever way you can, show your thoughtfulness to her in different occasions with crystal clear mind and patience, and whenever you accrue merits, put her name and make a wish for her to have right views.

5. Your nephew had defective heart since he was born and had short life because; in the past life, when he used to be slave master who managed slaves for construction, he had them work all day and night and so lots of slaves died, and also kamma from killing baby animals; i.e. piglets, calves, to cook for food.

He liked to watch Dhamma Satellite very much because he had a certain level of past wholesomeness so that he had good parents to cultivate him to study about merits which made him have connection with merit making.

When he was alive, he said that he saw golden Dhammakaya image in his belly. He said that because he was a child and convinced by adults who tried to teach him to see.

When he passed away, his mind was not mature yet so he could not follow the principle. He becomes a smart angel with golden heavenly mansion in the second level of heaven [Tavatimsa] phase 3 from merits that his parents brought him to do and dedicated to him.
He had received dedicated merits which make him have more heavenly treasures.
He left message to thank you and rejoice merits you had accrued to dedicate to him because it makes him very happy.
For Tusita (the fourth level of heaven), he did not understand because he was too young.

6. You had a miscarriage in the 6th week of your pregnancy. He was born as a human now. He was born and miscarried like this many times. He could not receive merits you have dedicated.

7. You have Hyperthyroidism and had ache from neck to both sides of shoulder tip mainly because of present circumstances by which you are stressful about family matters, and insufficient rest.

To resolve these, you have to accrue all merits; i.e. generosity offering (dhana), precept observance (sila), freeing animals and fishes, leave all causes of suffering behind, especially do lots of meditation, and take enough rest as well as properly exercise. Subsequently, it will be cured.

8. Your husband has houses and 10 plots as well as many cars, but you have to live with his sister and take buses or company cars or taxi as you can not drive so that you can not use your husband’s wealth because; in the past, you mainly were persuaded by others’ merits but did not accrue merits from your own thought which makes you to not have power in wealth.

The problem of being unable to drive will be completely solved once you learn driving! You should accrue all merits; i.e. generosity offering (dhana), precept observance (sila), and meditate a lot both to accrue by yourself and persuade others to do and make a wish to have wealth and have power in the wealth.

9. Your wedding ring was lost because of your carelessness and negligence as well as from trusting people too much. Khun Yay said “Do not trust any one”, because humans still have defilements.

10. When you accrue merits, put your husband’s name and make a wish for him to have clear vision one day. You should not waste time to worry about this because this is life and it is also your retribution from your past adultery kamma when you were a man.

You did exactly the same as your husband is doing. It is an image reflecting your past life. About the fortune teller saying that your husband will ordain, he just spoke aimlessly. Do not think about it seriously.
He has wholesomeness for short-term ordination.
You have to keep doing good deeds and accruing all merits and make a wish for your husband to have wholesome faith to ordain.

11. Your life faces separation and unfaithful husband because of your past adultery kamma. When you were a man, you used to do the same things to your wife. It is just your past images.

Therefore, you should follow principles and objectives of being born as human that are Dhammakaya attainment, seeking for merits and pursuing perfections.

12. You, your husband and your daughter used to pursue perfection with Dhammakaya community as a provider. Your husband has some wholesome connections with the community. You and your daughter are providers who accrue merits upon moods, sometimes with fullest efforts, sometimes upon capabilities and sometimes just followed others.

If your son has wholesomeness connection with the community, we will meet him again.

Life in cycle of existence is like this. Do not cling to it.
Since we have met each other in this life, therefore you must try to pursue perfection in all merits with fullest efforts and make a wish to follow the Dhammakaya community to the fourth level of heaven (Tusita), in the special merit zone – bodhisattva as well as do not be apart from each other again.