I Cried Like an Owl

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Case study
I Cried Like an Owl

Pay high respect to the Most Venerable Luang Phaw,

       My maternal grandfather was an alcoholic who always got drunk, and then argued with my grandmother. One day, he abused my grandmother who was 8-9 month pregnant, so she tried to flee from him. While going down stairs, she was pushed by my grandfather. After that , she disappeared for four nights for fearing of him. Later, her relatives found her in the bamboo bush and took her home.

She had developed labor pains from her pregnancy. A midwife came to help her give birth to the baby. The baby didn't come out, so the midwife had to insert her hands inside to try to pull the baby out. However, my grandmother couldn't stand the pain and died at that moment, at the age of 30. The baby was a stillborn.

My mom was 12, when my grandmother died. She had to take care of her siblings and did all the household chores. If she had not finished it, my grandfather hurled her through the wall. Later on, my grandfather had a new wife. When my mom turned 15-16, she was forced to marry a man her father knew. They were 11 years apart. Presently he is my father.

My parents always argued with each others. My mom was often abused, and sometimes bled but she was always tolerant for her 7 children.

I am the fourth child. My mom told me that when I was almost born, she felt like using the bathroom, so she went to go there, and while she was about to take a step, I suddenly slipped out. She was able to use her skirt to scoop me up. I was very tiny, like a kitten, and didn't cry at all, but once I cried, it sounded like “Heg, heg,” in intervals like a bird.

Mom was certain that I wouldn't survive, so she wrapped me in a cloth and left me there at the door. My relatives heard the news and came to visit her. They were poking the bundle of cloth with their feet assuming it was a rag. To their surprise, there was something soft to the touch inside it then they found me.

Months after that, I still cried like an owl. It so annoyed my mom's cousin to the point that he wanted to bury me alive many times. Thank goodness my mom refused because I was not dead yet and said, “Wait until it's dead and then you can bury it.” Otherwise, I wouldn't survive.

Later, my great grandfather heard about my abnormality, so he fed me with an herbal remedy three times. I gradually felt better and finally was well within one month.

When I was a year and a half, my brother and sister were competing to cradle me, so I was thrown into the air and fell off of the cradle. I sustained a large swollen wound on the head and fell unconscious for hours. They cried and thought I was dead. My mom rushed in and gave me three big bangs in her lap until I recovered and cried like an owl again, so she fed me with the herbal medicine once more.

        At 6 years old, while I was resting, I felt something coming out through my nose. When I touched it, it shrank back inside and came out again after a while. I finally caught it, but couldn't take it out, so I cried. My father had to use tweezers to pull it out. At first I thought it was mucus, but it could move. Later, I saw that it was a big fat parasite!

When I turned 11, I wanted to die because I was tired of my parent's daily arguments. I tried to drink some liquid fly-killing insecticide, but gave up because it didn't taste good.

Next, I tried a new method, the same as my grandmother had used, except I didn't hide in the bamboo bushes, but I went to the plum tree in the orchard at the back of the house instead. I tried to beg to the ghosts there to kill me and take me away. After I tried that three times, the dogs started to bark and I heard the sound of the blowing wind. I got scared, so I went home. I tried this method for three nights and got the same result every time. So my intention to committing suicide disappeared.

       Having witnessed the abusive scene from my parents regularly, I grew to hate all men with the exception of bhikkhus. If I saw a man coming towards me, I felt like beating him. I have ever spit on men and I was punched in the mouth several times but I've never been afraid

        When I was 11, I had to leave my parents to live with my aunt in Bangkok. It was a harsh life. I had to do all the chores in the house from early in the morning. My aunt and her husband treated me so badly that I could not stand them then I fleed from them. I went to look for a labor job. Finally I got a job with a salary of 600 baht in Chonburi Province and lived there for many years.

        I had been struggling to live for some time before I returned to see my aunt again in 1985. She had changed dramatically because she started to go to the Dhammakaya Temple. She became more calm and gentle, unlike the strict personality she had before. So I felt happy with her. When she asked me to come to the temple that I was interested in. And from then on, I have come to stay for the weekend retreats at the temple for many years.

Since 1992, I have been working for Buddhism wholeheartedly and wholesomely until today.

Questions:

1. What karmic retribution caused my grandparents to spend their lives together? What karmic misdeeds did my grandmother commit that caused her to be pushed down the stairs, where she and the baby finally died? Where are they since they passed away? Did they receive the merits that I have dedicated to them?

2. Why did my mother have a suffering life since her childhood, why was she forced to get married at the age of 15-16, and why was she abused by my father? Why were my parents incompatible? Now my father who is 72 years old and my mom who is 61 years old, don't want to have meals together. What karmic retribution did I have that caused me to be born into this family?

3. My mother always acts with a strange personality as if she had another spirit in herself. Once she was very strange, so my father strongly hit her body. The spirit in my mom said, “I'm afraid of you,” and asked for a bottle of liquor and food before it disappeared. Who was it?

4. What karmic retribution caused me to be born easily when my mom was almost to enter the toilet? Why did I almost die after birth and cry like an owl for months? What good deeds helped me to survive?

5. What karmic retribution caused my brother and sister to cradle me so strongly that I fell off of the cradle?

6. What karmic misdeed caused me to have a parasite coming out of my nose?

7. What karmic misdeed caused me to want to commit suicide, but I did not do it?

8. Why can't I study? Whenever there was an examination, I always felt nauseous.

9. Why did I have to leave my parents since I was 11 years old and had to struggle by myself? Will my life be better in next lifetime?

10. What good deeds have brought me to the Dhammakaya community since 1985? How did I accrue merits with the community in my past life? I love to accumulate merits. Will I go to Tusita Heaven (Dusit Buree or the 4th level of Heaven)? Because sometimes I forget to make a wish to go to Tusita heaven.

Luang Phaw's Dream

I closed my eyes, dreamed and woke up with these answers.
When you tell anybody the story like a tale, it will make anyone know more about retribution (Law of Kamma)

1.That your grandmother was pushed down the stairs and caused her and her baby to die was the same as her past life when she was a man whose wife was abused by the same way.

After your grandfather passed away, he went to the fifth major hell because of his alcoholism. He is tortured by the hell denizens who are pouring the burning black acid into his mouth. He can't receive the merits yet.

After your grandmother passed away, she was reborn as a servant of Earth Sprites in the Ogre/Ogress division because she had limited merits. Concerned about her children, she was wandering around them since they were young until they grew older. Then she was less concerned and left them for good.

She can receive the merits you have dedicated to her. It helps improve her living condition. However she still lives in the same place.

2. Your mother had a hard life since she was young as she barely made donations in her past life. That she was forced to marry was caused of the tradition of the agricultural community.

Your parents have been incompatible until now because they were born as an Ogre and Ogress in their past lives and were husband and wife for many lifetimes.

You were born with the parents who abused and hurt each other because you share the same karmic misdeeds of abusing and hurting others.

3. Your mother often acted like she had another spirit living in her body because of her depressed state of mind from being abused by your father. So she tried to scare him. On the contrary, he wasn't scared of her but abused her more. This acting disappeared as she was abused increasingly.

4. You were born easily because of your past life karmic misdeed. In previous life, you commanded your servant who was pregnant to work hard and often abused her as well. All of which caused you to be born in the same way.

You almost died at birth. Due to merit you had accrued with the Dhammakaya community, it saved you to be survival actually in order to keep on pursuing perfections with the community again.

You cried like an owl because you were always angry and hurt your servants. You treated them as if they were laboring animals. That's why you were abused, fell out of the cradle and had a parasite coming out of your nose.

5. You wanted to commit suicide and tried many times to do it because of the karmic misdeeds you did to those servants. You survived from it due to the merits you have accumulated with the community that came to protect you so you can cultivate more merits again.

6. You can't study and often have nausea when in examinations as you lacked the merits in intelligence in your past life. Also, you did not allow children and servants to study as you are afraid of losing power to control them as well as your present seriousness.

7. You had to leave your parents since the age of 11 and to fight for your life because in your past life you often abused your servants whom you didn't like. When you were angry, you sometimes expelled them from your home.

You should fully perform all merits for your whole life and make a wish, so you'll be safe from these karmic retributions in next life.

8. You have met the community since 1985 because in your past life eons ago, you were ordained as a novice with the community since you were young. In the beginning, you had good intention, studied hard, meditated then became a monk and wished to remain in the monkhood for the rest of your life.

Later on, you were allured by material worshipping and fell in love with a woman, so you disrobed and built your family with the money you received when you were a monk.

Owing to your ordination at young age, you had never experienced any roads to ruin (Abayamook), so you tried out everything such as drinking, womanizing and gambling.

Eventually, you lost it all and had to sell yourself as a slave. With a great deal of suffering and sadness, you thought to yourself before you died that you shouldn't have disrobed but it was too late.

After that life, you were born a Peta (ghost-animal) which was yellow skinny, had a long pointed mouth and felt hungry and thirsty. You were able to eat only blood, mucus, and saliva that came out from other Petas.

You had suffered for a very long period of time. After that existence, you were born as many other creatures. With the benefit of your past merits, it results in your wealthy and having some slaves.

You strayed from the community from the last eon and finally returned to the community with great suffering. This was similar to the lives of many monks who had done the same thing in their past lives.

In this life time, you should intend to pursue perfections completely. Be afraid of that suffering lives that made you stay away from the community for eons. Bring your mind to be with Luang Pu (Luang Phaw Wat Paknam) and Khun Yay (The founder of the Dhammakaya Temple) together with making a wish to follow the community to Tusita Heaven in the Special Merits Zone. No matter what zone is always good.