Cloistered Nun

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Case study
Cloistered Nun

Dear Venerable Luang Phaw,

I am the eldest daughter of five siblings. I studied from kindergarten to Grade 9 in a Catholic school run by Christian priests and later received a bachelor degree from a state college. After graduation, I had a teaching position in a Catholic school.

Later, I was sent to work for a foundation helping children in poverty in the North Eastern of Thailand. This organization is financially supported by groups of Christian priests from abroad to provide education for children and help promoting income for their family by offering jobs or giving the basic needs for their profession such as vehicles or selling stalls.

My job here has an incredible impact to convert me from Buddhism to Christian Catholic. One factor that attracts me to convert was that near to my workplace there was a monastery where the “cloistered nun” or “Orthodox nun” lived. These nuns lived only in monastery and have no contact with the outside world.

I enjoyed being in a quiet place and meditation. I liked places which were clean and quiet. The nuns’ main activity was praying seven times a day and do everything by themselves. When I first knew them, I joined their prayer on every Sunday, praying at early morning, late morning, noon, afternoon, evening, and night time, except midnight. Every first Sunday of the month has big merit because of a special ceremony.

Later, I read the biography of Jesus and also heard his various stories in our daily morning’s prayer service. I merely participated in the ceremony and have no involvement because they must be very well-prepared for this ceremony. They must studied and be guided by the priest. If they pass the test, then they can go for baptism to undertake sacred precept. Finally, I was going to baptise, but an incident happened at home and I did not go through baptism.

My family sent me the news about my father’s sickness which I later knew that he had nasal cavity cancer and had spread to his brain. Since all my younger siblings were still in school and I was the only person who can drive his car, I came back to take care of him. I took him to see the doctor for nine months until his death in 1988. It was a great loss to our family and I quitted my job from the foundation. However, my third sister who recently graduated took over my job and later converted to a Christian like her husband.

After I quitted my job, I came home to be with my mother and continued the family business of selling the construction equipments. Later my younger brother graduated and took over the business.

In 1990, I met a Kalyanamitta who brought me to Wat Phra Dhammakaya. At that time the hall building was still unfinished. I came to the temple for over a year and I felt neutral about the temple.

After that, I was contacted by a Filipino nun. She asked me to work for the foundation in the North Eastern provinces. I thought of working there for a while, but things changed. I was sent to train in Philippines for a year and finally I was baptised. I was once almost going to be baptise but was stopped because of my father’s death, and since then I had changed my religion.

After I returned from Philippines, I worked for the foundation in the North Eastern for sometime. While I was working there, I joined the morning and evening prayer with a group of nuns there. Their focus was to meditate by praying which helped me to feel relax and peaceful.

One day the abbess of the monastery asked if I want to join them. I was very happy, but asked for permission to go home and discuss with my mother. She, a Buddhist, permitted me, so I immediately join this group of nuns, a different group from those in Philippines. I went back to the monastery and spent my live as a postulant for three months. Later, I became a novice for another year before I can be accepted for first ordination. After that for another three more years, I can have a life-time ordination in the group and will receive the sacred robe, a symbol of a nun.

One day, I got news from home about my only younger brother who lived with my mother and was sole income provider of the family. I learnt that he had Aids, and which extremely disturbed my prayer. I can’t eat, sleep, nor talk to anyone and I isolated myself. I love my brother very much and I thought it should happen to me and take away my life instead. I sought advices from the authorities in the monastery which all agreed that I should quit and take care of my brother and mother, so I left the monastery.

It was unbelievable when I first saw my brother. I felt very sad for him. The doctor said he was in the last stage and probably can live no longer than six months. I was afraid to tell my mother as she will be shocked, so I decided to let the doctor use the best and most expensive medicine for him. The expenses were very high, it were about six digits per week. My mother was really keeping her eyes on him.

My mother told me that she made a wish to Khun Yay Acariya and Luang Pu for her son to be cured and reduced some expenses so to be affordable for us. My brother was getting better and finally cured, but he was still a HIV carrier. He was saved from life-threatening disease since 2001. His weight has gained from 35 kilograms to 60 kilograms. The doctor reduced the amount of medicine until 2003 when he was able to drive himself to see the doctor.

I am very sure that my brother got better because of the merit from Luang Pu, Luang Phaw and Khun Yay Acariya. My mother chanted and meditated regularly to ask for blessing from them. My mother is a follower of Luang Phaw. Until today, she has always been chanting, making every merits and is a regular student of Dream in Dream Kindergarten.

However, after my brother was saved from the life-threatening disease, he left my mother to start a family with his wife.

After my brother returned to work again, my family was very chaotic. My siblings did not respect each other. Even though I am the eldest daughter, I was unable to control. So I asked for my mother permission to ordain for the second time on April 21, 2003. This time was with a different group, in Bangkok, but the same ordination to be a nun as before.

I gained so much experience from this monastery for almost two years. However, my live was not quite smooth and I felt compassion to my mother like never before. I missed her every day. I missed home and worried about my mother being alone at night. I worried if something happens to her, who will help her because all her children left to have their own family. Every time my mother called, I cried because I missed her and wanted to go home to be with her. Every time I asked her who are with you, she will always answer “Luang Phaw” (she meant the DMC).

Finally, I felt the need to go home although being a nun is my long-time dream. The monastery has taught me how great a mother is and we should respect them as our monk in the house. Day after day I have to endure my homesick until my health deteriorated.

Until one day I told my mother frankly that I can’t take it and wanted to come home. She was a little bit shocked. I finally left the monastery on September 11, 2004. I went home to stay with my mother, take care of her, take her to the temple and take her to see the doctor when she’s sick. On September 28, 2004, Dhammakaya Teacher’s Day, I came to the temple with my mother for the first time after fourteen years of absence. I saw Luang Phaw for the first time when I offered sustenance to him. I was ecstatic and delighted.

That evening I joined the ceremony for Enshrining of Top Dome on the 60th Anniversary building. That night I drove home with great pleasure. Though I arrived home at 10pm, I didn’t feel tired at all.

After that, I send my mother to the temple for several times. I felt that I was doing the best thing, and I also think it was a great merit to join the casting of Luang Pu Golden Image on October 10, 2004. I felt very proud and happy to be back again.

On October 16, 2004 at 7:30 P.M. after dinner, while I was reading Luang Pu’s biography, my mother suddenly fell down on the floor. She had a convulsion just before I saw her, and I quickly ran to her and shook her body strongly until she was conscious again. She asked me what had happened to her and said she was unconscious. So, I took her to the hospital in Bangkok for checkup. The doctor can’t find the cause of it despite of a thorough check. Since then, I never allowed my mother to go anywhere or being alone.

Everyday, I make a wish that I can attain the inside Dhammakaya, continue to accrue merit and pursue perfection with the community, and that all my siblings will come to the temple.

Questions:

1. Why did my father have cancer and suffer for many months before he passed away? Where and how is he doing now? Does he have any message for us? How did he receive the frequent merits that my mother dedicated to? And what should I do so my father can get more merits?

2. When I was ordained in Christianity, I dedicated the merit to him, did he receive it? And did he want me to be ordained at that monastery? Why did I dream of him came to visit me at the monastery, but he can’t entered and so he stood at the door?

3. What karmic retribution caused my brother to have Aids? What should I do to help my brother? He doesn’t want to live with my mother although he knows how much she loves him, but he loves and adores his wife more than his own mother. How to change his mind to come to the Temple and behave as well as he used to be?

4. Why did my third sister marry a person with different religion and naturally get converted?

5. Nowadays, this third sister, adopted by my childless aunt, doesn’t speak to my aunt, her nanny, neither does she feel happy with my mother, her biological mother. Her house is near to my mother’s, but she never comes to see her. What caused her anger towards them? What karmic retribution did they have with each other? What caused them to be in this situation? How can they solve it?

6. Why did all my siblings disagree that I go to Wat Phra Dhammakaya? What can I do to help them understand and join the community to accrue merits?

7. My mother had a convulsion and fell on the floor, her mouth was twisted, hand gnarled and it was frightening but why the doctor can’t find anything wrong? Will it happen to her again? What can I do to prevent it from happening again?

8. I was baptised as a Christian, so what can I do to testify myself as Luang Phaw’s student? If I no longer go to Church, will there be any effect to me spiritually?

9. What karmic retribution caused me to convert to Christian and later convert back to Buddhism?

10. How did my mother and I accrue merit with the community in the past? And in this life, why was my mother a devout Buddhist despite of her unsupportive children?

Finally, I’d like to say to Luang Phaw that I love being the student of Dream in Dream Kindergarten which I enjoy watching the show on DMC every night. I’d like all my friends who may have heard and may not know much to listen to the stories of Law of Kamma.

I’d like to spread my words about good things I’ve learnt to everyone who wants to listen so that they, too, can know the truth of life. I want to say right now on the show that this is everything you need to know about life and the truth of life. You don’t need to look further because this is DMC, the only one channel. Listen to Luang Phaw and believe in what he teaches and you’ll see for yourself a new life and the kingdom of God within you. I certainly see so.

Luang Phaw's Dream

I closed my eyes, dreamed and woke up with these answers.
When you tell anybody the story like a tale, it will make anyone know more about retribution (Law of Kamma)

1. Your father had nasal cavity cancer spreading to the brain because of his karmic retribution from his past life of killing. He killed people by using poisonous smoke. At that time he was a commander who had to seek weapons or ways to kill the enemies.

Finally, he discovered an element, burnt with fire that can create smoke to kill human and animals. He experiment it with animals and when succeeded, he experiment with prisoners. They were killed quickly because their respiratory system were destroyed.

When he just died, he was an earth-sprite roaming around the house.

After he received the frequent merit your mother dedicated to him, his mind become less attached to the family and was born as a handsome male angel, a celestial musician in the lowest level of heaven (Catummaharajika) and lived in a small gold heavenly mansion.

He passed a word of thanks to everyone who dedicated the merits to him especially his wife.

To help your father receive more merits, follow these principles: make merit in the merit field, the mind must be delighted before, at the time, and after making merit. This means you have to make all the merits in Buddhism.

2. While you were ordained in Christianity and dedicated the merits to him, he did not get it at all. Although your mind was positive but has not enough power to reach him, both times, when he was an earth-sprite and later when he was an angel in Catummaharajika.

You dreamt that your father came to see you at the monastery but can’t enter was merely your love and connection to him. And also your memory of acknowledging the monastery’s rule that prohibits stranger. The fact was he didn’t come to your dream.

He didn’t want you to ordain in Christianity because the merit that made him rise from an earth-sprite to an angel in Catummaharajika was the merits made in Buddhism, and not from your merit.

3. Your brother had Aids because of his action in this present life. He was ignorant of the third precept, so you have to gently talk to him with reason, with love and care. You need to give him lots of time and be very patient. Don’t force him and let him figure out slowly. He’ll be able to see it by himself.

4. Your third sister married to a person with a different religion because she and her husband had supported each other in this present time. Also, in the past life when making merit in Buddhism, she didn’t make resolution to follow Buddhism.

Therefore, in this life, she can easily change and follow the people she is close to. Presently, she doesn’t give herself a chance to seriously learn about Buddhism, so she doesn’t know the goodness and importance of Buddhism.

5. Your third sister doesn’t speak to your aunt and doesn’t come to visit your mother is because she feels both of them don’t love, care, nor treat her importantly. She is resentful and angry at them. The main reason is in the present issues.

The issues concern their thought and their ego to give in to each other. To solve this, you and your mother should show more concerns to her and continue to help her. One day the situation will get better.

6. Your siblings don’t agreed that you to come to Wat Phra Dhammakaya because they heard the news and they misunderstood the temple.

To persuade your siblings to come to the Temple, you need to practice the Dhamma by giving, observing the precepts, and meditating in Buddhism regularly to make a prominent change that can inspire them to desire to come to the Temple.

7. Your mother had a convulsion and suddenly fell down on the floor, hand was gnarled, mouth was twisted, and it was frightening but the doctor can’t find the reason. This is because she is old and it is normal that her body has weakened. You need to look after her closely. Don’t let her stay alone and things will be fine.

8. You have converted from Buddhism to Christianity and later back to Buddhism again. It can be compared to a root of a plant as Buddhism, but you are grafting bud on different branches.

We should use our wisdom to investigate the Buddhism teachings and use those that are beneficial and practical for our daily life. You’ll become a true Buddhist if you undertake precepts and have the Triple Gems as your refuge.

You should forget all your pasts and reduced your attachment to the pasts and you can proudly be my follower.

Going to heaven depends mainly on us and not anyone else’s wish, so there is no effect to you spiritually. Don’t worry.

9. You had converted your religion because in past life you made merit in Buddhism, but didn’t make a resolution to continue making merits in Buddhism forever.

So, even though you were born in Buddhist country, but without a serious and profound study of the teachings you may be seduced and stray from Buddhism.

However, the past merit and compassion to your mother in the present have helped bring you back to Buddhism.

10. Your mother and you had accrued merits with the community. Your mother has done it continuously and resolved to continue accrued merits with the community for every lifetime, so she has a strong bond with the community despite of no support from her children.

You, on the other hand, had accrued merit with the community, but lack of making resolution as mentioned. So, from now on you have to delicate yourself wholeheartedly to accrue merit with the community, and resolved to follow the community to Tusita, the fourth level of heaven and never stray away from our community.

Extra from Luang Phor

Your interest to be an ascetic in the monastery of “cloistered nun” or “Orthodox nun” and became their member twice in different places, was because in your past life you were born in a period of no Buddhism.

You were on a quest of life and hence practiced as an ascetic similar to the cloistered nun’s monastery. At that time, it was theism which prays and respects God, so they can be with their beloved God. You were in these cycles for many times.

In some life times, you were also born in Buddhism and made merit in Buddhism, so in this life, your merit has brought you to Buddhism. And you are still familiar in being an ascetic in theism, so you have had to live with dual religions all the time.

When you were a nun in the monastery, praying can be compared to a lady falling in love with a man whom she has never seen before or a man in fairytale. You felt loved and closed to God, but you’ve never seen him. That’s it, nothing more.

You have a good nature and had compassion to your parents for many lives. The compassion caused you to go home and take care of your mother again.

In the lifetime when you were an ascetic in theism, you practiced until you died. After your death, you were born as a sorcerer in the Himavanta Forest and continue your ascetic practice.

You still have wrong belief that there were God and he lived somewhere higher than us and the only way to reach him is to continue ascetic practice. This was merely a thought when you were in Himavanta Forest and the groups there have same thought.

They think that Himavanta Forest is the heaven or a part of the Kingdom of God. When they don’t see God, they believe that he is everywhere so it fits their concept that is to create it is to believe it. It is a kind of illusion.

There are many who have such thought and when they are born as human, they will also have same thought and will attract each other together as we see in the present time.

Theism is praying, worshiping, and make offering to God you believe. And he will fulfill all your wishes.

Buddhism is about practising yourself by avoiding evil, doing goods, and purifying the mind. The ultimate goal is to eradicate our defilement which is the cause of all sufferings and enter to Nibbana, enlightment.

Heaven is part of Samsara, it is still in the cycle of existence and rebirth. It has not gone beyond suffering.