" /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " />Meditation for PeaceRaising our Children # 2Dhamma, is the food for the mind2. Teach your child to be established in virtue. Parents must put emphasis in the development of the child’s mind because the mind is the center of all action. The word “good upbringing” simply means training the child’s mind to be good.There are two kinds of material things: things we eat and things we use. Things we eat are the same for everyone because we have to eat to maintain our body, but things we use can vary according to our needs. For example: a farmer needs to use a plough, and a clerk needs to use a pen.Spiritual wealth can also be categorized into 2 groups:- Dhamma, is the food for the mind- Knowledge is the tool for the mindKnowledge is the tool for the mindNormally our body feels weak when we lack food and our mind feels weak when it needs moral teaching. Dhamma is its fuel. We have to eat food by ourselves. No one can eat it for us. This is unlike tools which can be shared by many different people: i.e. a knife can be shared in the same household. Similarly, our mind needs to take fuel by itself; it has to have Dhamma in it. The parents cannot assume that if their minds already have Dhamma, their child does not need to have their own store and stock of it. Having knowledge is similar to having a tool. We can choose to train for a profession of choice. If we need some help, we can borrow tools or ask help from other people. Thus the mind without Dhamma is like the body without food and the mind without knowledge is like a man without a tool.The parents’ task is to teach and train a child to acquire both of these qualities. Thus a child is considered to have had a good upbringing. The following examples express how to achieve this:- Set a good example to your child- Choose good friends for your child- Choose good books for your child- Choose good teachers for your child3. See that your child is educated so they are capable of supporting themselves in the future.The parents need to supervise their children by having a regular talk with the school. They should know the school schedule, grades, and all expenses that the child asks to use for school. The parents who have their children studying for from home and without a supervisor, need to pay more attention. The child should only live in a dorm if the dorm is reliable and with strict regulations.Choose good friends for your child4. Help in arranging your child’s marriage. The parents have two important duties;- Finance their children’s marriage- Advise in the final decision of their children’s choice of spouse.The latter role of the parents may bring many conflicts between the parents and children because it is a very serious decision, so it requires careful consideration. The problematic issues that arise are as follows:- The advantage and disadvantage of the parents’ intervention- Who should make the final decision?In regards to the first issue: if looked upon with reasonable consideration there are more advantages when the parents’ intervene. Disadvantages arise in the case of the parents who lack reason and overstate themselves. However, working together is always a wise choice because children are more innocent and inexperienced. They can easily make wrong choices and mistakes. Problems in marriage can have ling and complicated results that are hard to correct.The latter issue: who should decide whether or not the marriage will take place? The question of readiness and who to marry can be best discussed by both the parents and children. The parents’ role is to give advice and not to interfere. That a son or daughter leaves the final decision up to their parents is one way of repaying their debt of gratitude towards them. In any case, parents should use moderation and discretion. This is a good rule of thumb“The partner who we don’t like but our child loves is better than a partner we love but our child doesn’t like.”The only circumstances which may cause friction between the two generations is when one’s son or daughter falls in love with a criminal or someone who is damaging to the child’s future.Choose good books for your child5. Pass your legacy onto your child. The parents should give their legacy to their child only when they are ready for it, not before. If they are still young and do not know the value of money, the parents have to wait until they grow old enough to understand it. Or, if the children misconduct themselves or commit evil deeds, the parents must wait until they can change themselves first.In Buddhist culture there are reciprocal duties between parents and children. The child does not become independent and break away from their parents when they reach adulthood. Children will continue to look after their parents when they are older. This in turn gives meaning to the parental duty of passing on their legacy to their children before they die.A Spiritual Way to Raise Your Children1. Take your children to the temple to study Buddhist teachings;2. Teach them t chant every night before bedtime;3. Teach them how to make merit, i.e. offer alms, and observe precepts;4. Meditate with them every night.Practical Tips1. Love the child but do not spoil them. Otherwise they can absorb bad habits; reasons why parents spoil their children:- Love the child so much they do not dare to punish them- Feel regret that they do not spend enough time with the child2. Use moderation about the rules and do not be too fussy;3. Spend enough time with the children, no matter how busy you are, you must try to find time for them or you will regret it laterTake your children to the temple to study Buddhist teachings;4. Scold immediately when seeing your child doing something wrong. However, be reasonable and do not loose your temper, Praise him when he does something good to encourage him to keep doing good things.5. Train the child to work from an early age. Do not let them sit idly. Do not help them with things a child of their age should be able to do. Teach them to depend upon themselves as much as possible.6. Giving food, clothing, shelter, and medicine is not enough parents must also give their child Dharma.The Benefits of raising our children1. The parents will be rewarded with pride in life;2. The family will be at peace;3. The nation will have good citizens;4. Set good role models for the generations to come in society.“Wise people always wish to have their children as Abhijataputta and Anujataputta, and not Avajataputta who demolish the family. These children can be found in this world. Those children, who are without stinginess and have faith, observe precepts, and use wise speech will shine throughout the crowd just as the moon shines when freshly revealed from amongst the clouds.”" /> " />" /> " />
Raising our Children # 2
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