View this page in: ไทย
Meditation Experience
Kalayanamitra Bonnie Nozawa
Kalayanamitra Bonnie Nozawa
I pay the highest respect to The Most Venerable Phrarajbhavanavisudh Luang Phaw Dhammajayo,
Kalayanamitra Bonnie Nozawa
My name is Bonnie Nozawa. I’m 19 years old. I’m half Thai and half Japanese. Currently, I’m studying in the faculty of medicine, California University, San Diego, USA.
Before I had the chance to join The Middle Way meditation retreat, I just finished my first year of university. The only thing that I was obsessed about and made me worried in the past 12 months was my father’s fight against pancreatic cancer in the final stage. Due to the reason that my father was already 85 years old, the doctor didn’t encouraged him to use chemo therapy. However, the doctor encouraged my dad to enjoy the last days of his life with happiness. Therefore, my dad had decided to come back from the hospital to live in our house to be near his children.
Bonnie Nozawa took picture with her dad while he was still living on December 14, 2007
Since the university is 120 miles away from my home, I had to travel back and forth between university and home every week. Between the weeks, I barely had any chance to sleep because of the needs to catch up with my medical studies. In fact, I had tried to find many excuses to answer my friends, “Why do I have to return home weekly?”
Bonnie Nozawa took picture with her entire family (January 21, 2008)
This pattern of routine continued until the previous April, which was the month of my father’s death. The occurrence of the tragic event deeply hurt my feelings. This was because my father was the head of our family. Moreover, he was the only man in my life that I was the closest to.
I try to hide my feelings and wounds to myself. However, my condition became worse as each day passed. I became easily angry and lonelier with each day. In fact, I became so depressed that I began to waste my life with drinking alcohol and refusing to eat. I tried to torture myself with various ways. I became very ill-tempered and worried all the time. I felt as if I will never feel better again. Because I liked to surround myself with negative feelings, I almost truly lost the battle within myself.
Not long after, Pra Ajarn Suk, who knew my mother, acted as a kalaymit by advising me to practice meditation with The Middle Way meditation retreat program at Wat Phra Dhammakaya. Therefore, I flew to Thailand to join in this program.
Kalayanamitra Bonnie Nozawa
In the beginning of practicing meditation, I wasted so much time by thinking about the past or worrying about the future that I haven’t reached yet. Due to the reason that I love living my life along the sea, I tried to think of the image of the beach with sea waves coming toward the shore. Moreover, the image also contained the sun shining in the middle of the clear blue sky and myself watching the scenery. I felt as my meditative state would occur.
On the fourth day of meditation, when I closed my eyes, I felt as if I was floating in the dark emptiness. From the simplicity of the image, I felt a surge of gold liquid pouring very rapidly which cleansed my body. Moreover, I was able to feel the coldness when the liquid slowly fell down my neck and stopped at the center of my body. Not long after, I was able to see the gold Buddha among the gold liquid. The gold Buddha began to reappear itself numerous times from among the gold liquid. The gold Buddha was shining his radiance in front of my eyes, which were still closed. It was so bright that I blinked, which caused the gold Buddha image and the bright light to disappear.
Because I’ve practiced meditation in The Middle Way retreat program, I’m more relaxed, light-weighted, and softer. My mind is at peace and fills with happiness. The burden from my past has lightened up and doesn’t feel as heavy as before. Moreover, I also feel more active, energetic, excited, and pleased about my new life. I’m no longer easily irritated and sad anymore. Now, I’m very happy because I have no worries in life.
Kalayanamitra Bonnie Nozawa and her mother, Khun Manpaphorn Nozawa
Moreover, during the stay in the program, Pra Ajarn encouraged me to take the 8 precepts. But after the end of the course, my mother would like me to take only the 5 precepts because she is afraid that if I don’t eat dinner, I might be sick. However, I begged my mother to continue taking the 8 precepts. When my mom is eating dinner, I sit right beside her and meditate.
When my mother asks me, “Do you see Dad when you’re meditating?” I answers her that, “I see the many gold Buddhas coming out from the same spot in the center of my body. However, I would like to confess that I don’t like to see the gold Buddha, because my father was a devoted Christian. Christians do not have faith in the Lord Buddha, so I do not want to hurt my dad. Therefore, I begin to wish and pray to see something else instead of the gold Buddha. I also have another 2 accounts of my meditation experience to share, which is:
The Most Venerable Phrarajbhavanavisudh Luang Phaw Dhammajayo: You think about it too much. If you see anything, you should continue to watch it, whether it will be the gold Buddha, a crystal ball, or anything. This is because inside everyone on this earth, they all have Buddha and crystal ball that reside within them. If your mind is still enough, you cannot reject the image of the Buddha or the crystal ball because they will appear for you to see. Your task is to simply watch it with a still mind without thinking about anything else. If you have done this, then you have gone to the right way.
Bonnie has a lot of merit because she has already seen the gold Buddha. My suggestion is for Bonnie to continue watching the image of gold Buddha and crystal ball, without rejecting their images. Bonnie has very good inner experience from meditation. The Buddha and the crystal ball reside in Bonnie and every human-beings on earth. However, most of them do not know these facts.
[Compiled from The Most Venerable Phrarajbhavanavisudh Luang Phaw Dhammajayo’s explanations in the Inner Dreams Kindergarten on November 5, 2008]
On the Saturday of August 16, 2008, which was my birthday, I went to meditate in of the Great Masters’ sanctuary. I was able to see the many crystal balls appearing from the center of my body like what is shown in the television. I sat for one hour without wanting to leave my meditative state. Right after my mother invited me to let go of cattle and the fishes, she asked me, “Do you see the cattle and the fishes in the center of your body?” I answered, “How can I possibly see it, mother? The only thing I see at the center of my body is the crystal ball.”
On August 18, 2008, which was 100 days after my father had passed away; I went to press the light to worship the Maha Dhammakaya Jeudi. My mother told me to think of my father’s face at the center of my body. However, I wasn’t able to see my father’s face clearly. Instead, the image that I was able to see clearly is of the Buddha which comes out continuously from the center of my body. But if it was possible, I prefer to see the crystal ball more than seeing the Buddha.
Currently, I’m meditating everyday in the morning and before I go to bed. I’m able to see the crystal ball coming out from the center of my body. In conclusion, I would like to thank The Most Venerable Phrarajbhavanavisudh Luang Phaw Dhammajayo for everything he has given to this world. When I first saw Luang Phaw Dhammajayo, it was only for 2 seconds, but I feel that Luang Phaw Dhammajayo is so cool because he wears glasses similarly to my dad.
Translated by Pichayapa Suenghataiphorn
Desktop Version
