MeditationMeditation for PeaceWhat Should Parents Do WhenTheir Children Do Not Get Along?What Should Parents Do When Their Children Do Not Get AlongHere is a true story for parents who have not yet begun creating harmony in their families.There was once a family with three daughters. The oldest daughter was very depressed because her two sisters had not spoken to each other for over two years. They had fought to the point where they did not want to be sisters anymore. The oldest daughter felt so much pain, having to watch this friction in her family on a daily basis.Sometimes, the two sisters ignored each other as if the other did not exist. At other times it seemed as if they would be enemies for the rest of their lives. The oldest sister repeatedly asked herself, “Is it too late for them to reconcile?” Her parents had already given up.In the end, she made the decision to ask a respected senior monk at a temple. She told him that her two sisters were still in school. When they graduated and could look after themselves, there would be a slim chance for them to reconcile. She was so anxious and felt terrible having to witness their conflicts every day.The respected senior monk listened to her problem sympathetically cad replied, “Your parents should not have allowed their conflicts to reach this level. If this isn’t resolved now, after they graduate, get jobs and earn a living, they certainly won’t listen to anyone then.”“I have a personal example I’d like to share with you. I have two older sisters. When I was young, I would sometimes argue with my sisters. But my father would exert immediate control over the situation. And we stopped our arguments right away. My father prevented conflicts among his children in the following ways:”Technique#1:Exercising seniority.As soon as my father knew that we had argued or fought, he wouldn’t say much. He’d tell us to come see him together. He would point to me, the youngest, and tell me to break off a large stick for whipping.When I gave my father the stick, he would ask only one short question:“Did you fight with your sister?”“Yes Father,”I would reply.“Then stand with your arms folded.”First, he would give the stick to my sister and let her whip me once for not respecting seniority, regardless of who was right or wrong.Second, he would ask questions about what had happened. If I was in the wrong, my father would make me find another whipping stick. This time, he would whip me because of my wrong doing. If my father would point at her to get a new whipping stick. He would whip her himself for bullying her younger brother.Regardless of who was wrong, I would get the first whipping for disrespecting seniority. So, why would I want argue with my sisters. This practical lesson brought us together to love each other.Parents who read this story should instill a feelingof unity in you children by teaching them seniority.Technique#2:Responsibility for HouseworkBecause our family had a farm, on the weekends, my father would make us work. He would assign us to remove the weeds, clean the lots, dig the dirt, or prepare the lot for planting. It had to be done by dinner, otherwise, we couldn’t eat. So, we cooperated and worked hard to complete the task together.Being immature and the youngest, I would sometimes go off on own and not help out.Why not?In the mornings, I would shoot at birds and go fishing with my friends. In the afternoon, I would panic when I realized that the task might not be done in time. Oh no! if my sisters couldn’t finish it, we all wouldn’t have dinner! So, I would rush to help them. In the meantime, I would please my sisters in every way to make sure that they would not report my mischief to our father. If learned how to be nice, polite and say sweet things, while l pitched in. Had I not learned this quickly, we would face these consequences:1) Dinner would not be served for us that evening. In addition, we would have to finish our tasks at night by lamplight.2) If my sisters reported my mischief to my father, I would be the only one punished and whipped. So, I made sure to speak nicely and politely with my sisters to keep them happy.Quite simply, we had to accept the responsibilities together. If we fought, we wouldn’t finish and we’d all be in deep trouble. So, we learned to negotiate and automatically became nice with each other.The problem with your sisters is that there isn’t any housework to be done; your lives are too comfortable. To leam a lesson, they have to be hungry once in a while; they have to struggle and then help and rely on each other. Too much comfort in your family has led to problems among the children.In this situation, the damage has been done. I recommend you to leave this task to your parents. As the oldest daughter, you should give them this advice and lend a hand when they need it:1. Tighten the household budget.Don’t allow for too much cash flow in the household. Don’t give these feuding sisters a large allowance. This will force them to help each other.2. Assign a lot of housework to do together.Although they are upset and preoccupied, they have to communicate in order to get the job done. The communication will loosen up the tension and ill feelings toward each other. This method yields good results.3. Discipline is required for young children.If you have good reason, you don’t have to be afraid that your children will run away from home. Young children aren’t daring enough. A whipping stick is still necessary for discipline. BUT, parents must know how and when to use it. Parents must teach their children when they whip. The stick is not for beating your child to death!However, I recommend following the first two pieces of advice first: Your parents should reduce their allowances and have them help each other at tasks. Children won’t allow others to take advantage of them. Typically, they won’t stay angry at each other for a long period of time. When their pockets are empty, they will have to help each other with work.If you have hired a maid, she can do the main household chores. However, children should do their own persona; chores. They should be responsible for the same assigned tasks. This will give the siblings a chance to openly discuss the way to complete their tasks. This technique must be used when the children are still young. If parents keep spoiling their children, they will grow up to be awful people.”After listening to the respected senior monk’s advice, the oldest sister’s face brightened up with hope and a smile. She took the advice home to bring her family back together.Parents who read this story should instill a feeling of unity in you children by teaching them seniority. When they grow up, they will love and look after each other. If they feel down or fall on rough times, their siblings will not let them suffer. With these good intentions toward each other, parents can be free from worry.
What Should Parents Do When Their Children Do Not Get Along?
[ 21 มี.ค. 2555 ] - [ 18259 ]
Desktop Version
