The Little Candlelight

    “This is very clear.”  The first time I heard this clear and evident teaching, it was as if I had been shown the way out for those who are lost, as though a light had appeared in a dark place.  Luang Phaw ignited the flame of faith in me as an eternal flame. Since then, I have always watched DMC satellite TV.  I have absolutely no doubt and full confidence that from this day on, I will not miss any opportunity to make merit with Luang Phaw.
    
    Though my father only completed the fourth grade, he had incredible prowess with mathematical calculations.  He had secret formulas and techniques he kept to himself.  He was a master of numbers and could make calculations on the spot.  So he has won numbers lotteries right up to the present.  For example, he can tell when a number was correct by the whether it passes over his head; or whether past lottery numbers will show up in future lottery drawings.  This enables him to overwhelmingly select winning numbers.

    My father wanted a son but he had three daughters.  So he has drowned his sorrow by drinking beer and alcoholic beverages for 30 years.  He still drinks and has no plans to stop.
    
    When my grandmother was pregnant with my mother, she wanted to drink fresh pig’s blood.  So she slit a pig’s throat and immediately drank the blood.  When my mother was born, my mother squirmed and wailed like a pig whose throat had been slit.

    When she became a young woman, she fell in love with my father ad married him.  But she found that marriage was a form of suffering due to my father.  He did not get the son he wanted so he took solace in bottles of alcohol instead of her.  He would show up drunk constantly, more intoxicated than others.

    Since my father was an alcoholic, they would argue and fight with each other over little things.  So the children had ringside seats at these Thai boxing matches.  My mother became so depressed that she turned into a kind of alcoholic as well.  On 3 January 2006, she had an itchy rash all over her body and head, a case of psoriasis.  Her dermatologist had a sample of her skin tested and discovered it was like an extreme case of psoriasis.  She only recovered from this illness in October 2006.

    I was the oldest of three daughters.  When my mother was pregnant with me, the lymph glands in her underarms became enlarged.  She had pain when urinating and her gums bled.  She suffered greatly.  But she did not regret being pregnant because she was led by her dreams.

    Before I was born, she dreamt that she received about 23 grams of gold.  This made her profoundly confident that her child would make her proud and be an excellent student.  She believed that the child would become a doctor after graduating and cure all the diseases of those people under the child’s care.

    When I was born, she instilled in me that when I grew up, being a doctor was the only occupation I could have.  I did not disappoint my mother when I grew older.  School did not pose any problems for me and I was a straight-A student.  I passed the entrance exam for the Faculty of Medicine at Khon Kaen University.

    In 1996, while I was a medical student in the Department of Psychiatry, I looked after the mental health of a girl who had been raped by her step-father.  This confirmed my desire to be a psychiatrist.  

    After I graduated, I became a psychiatrist as I had planned.  And the director of the hospital was a wonderful kalayanamitta who invited me to meditate at a mediation house in Loei Province during July 2005.  The director also invited me to the Phra Dhammakaya Temple to participate in the ceremony to cast the third golden image of Luang Pu on 10 October 2005.

    Since then, I have established a new path in my life, the path to merit.  I have built 6 personal Buddha images, by myself and by inviting my relatives.  I worked for one year then resigned to work at a private hospital in Bangkok.  This was so I could look after my parents and go to the Temple easily.
    
    When I started coming to the Temple, I changed the way I treated my patients.  I thought about how to treat them for this life and for their future lives.  One of my patients had cancer that had started to spread in February 2006.  She felt great pain in her bones.  The doctor caring for her cancer decided to add morphine to her intravenous tube to help her die without pain.

    But I asked the doctor to stop and explained to the doctor, the patient, and her relatives that this would cause her to lose her awareness when she passed away.  Later her condition worsened.  She had trouble breathing and the oxygen level in her blood continually decreased.  I recommended that her father and husband speak to her about merit.  I brought her a book about Luang Pu.  I had her chant the Samma Arahang mantra and think about her inner Buddha and the bright crystal inside her.  She closed her eyes and said she saw the inner Buddha.  She died peacefully.
   
    Though I cared for many patients, nobody could treat my own mental pain.  I have been seeking the ideal partner for many years but have ended all my previous relationships.  My life has the misfortune of lacking love.

    I knew my first boyfriend from when I was in secondary school.  We met through a column to find friends in an English language newspaper.  When my mother found out, she objected because we were still young.

    My second boyfriend started as a pen-pal from my days in secondary school.  When I was in my third year of medical school, he asked to upgrade his status to be my boyfriend.  I went along with this without any problem.  But after a while I started to have difficulties.  He tried to make me feel sorry for him.  He bought things for me while telling me that he had a hard time working to earn money to buy these things.  After 3 years, I was totally bored with him and ended the relationship.

    My third boyfriend was a former patient who I treated for epilepsy.  He found my telephone number on the internet and surprised me with a call to my house.  He introduced himself as someone who I had once treated for epilepsy.  I myself had experienced convulsions so I started dating him.  My mother did not like that he had epilepsy so she protected me.  I went along with my mother because I am her daughter. [song]  I ended the relationship with him.

    My fourth boyfriend was a young engineer who had tutored me while I studied for the university entrance exam.  I dated him for 2-3 years then started to treat him as a former boyfriend.  But he followed me to the Temple and always makes merit with me.

    My current partner does not see the value of the Temple.  He is hurt that I love Luang Phaw more than him.  He sometimes comes to the Temple depending on his mood.

    On 6 January 2006 at dusk, my former boyfriend (fourth boyfriend) crashed his vehicle into a mother and child who were riding their bicycles across a road up-country.  They both died.  He decided to ordain for 7 days to make merit on their behalf.

    In the past, my eyebrows covered my eyes due my having a single eyelid.  This made me look sleepy.  After plastic surgery on both eyes, my appearance improved.

    I am allergic to lipstick and lip pencils.  If I use them, my lips become dark like a smoker’s lips.  I have had treatment for this allergy 4 times and seen improvement.  I also have varicose veins in my legs which sometimes become painful.
    
    My next youngest sister is a general practice doctor.  She joins me to make merit whenever I invite her.  She had surgery to remove an ovarian cyst in 2001.  My youngest sister is studying pharmaceutical science.  She has allergies and must take medication when she has allergic symptoms.

    My paternal grandfather died from lung disease in 1981.  My paternal grandmother died in 2005 from a blood clot in her brain which occurred after she had broken her leg.

    My maternal grandfather was a womanizer.  He had many wives.  He died when someone shot him.  My maternal grandmother was my grandfather’s first wife.  She died from a stroke.