Indecision

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CASE STUDY

Indecision

Dear most respected teacher,

I would like to ask for your compassion to dream in dream for me as follows:

My grandfather was originated from Bangkok. He is a policeman. Even his salary was modest but he still spent money on drinking alcohol. When he was drunk he would get a gun and shot at grandmother. Sometimes grandmother had to hide in a very smelly toilet but she had to endure. But when grandmother didn’t come home grandmother would burn incenses at the spirit house and asked for grandfather to come back.

After his retirement from the police force, he was working as a security guard for a while. As he couldn’t physically cope, he stopped work and stayed at home. Since he turned eighty he had been sitting on a chair day and night and eagerly listened to the news about crimes from the radio. Late at night his descendants tried to ask him to go to bed but he refused to. When I approached him, he thought that I was a crook, he would grab my arm and shouted “here is the villain, come and get him quickly!” In the last period of his life, his body became stiff and his back was straight as the chair. He couldn’t move and had to eat and excrete feces on the chair. But he didn’t show any discomfort. He would sit still day and night. After he emptied his bowels, two of my relatives would lift him and I would clean him every time.

As grandfather sat on the chair day and night for many years, he had sores in both butt cheeks. The lesion spread until we had to take him to the hospital for operation. After the operation, he died that night at the age of ninety-one because he couldn’t bear the pain.

My grandmother was a hawker, she would travel from Bangkhen to Bang Boa market. It was during the Second World War, the city was bombarded constantly, but grandmother said she was more scared of starvation than death itself. One day she sold some sweets to people in a house after she left that house, it was bombarded and the buyer died instantly. Grandmother looked back and kept selling her sweets. She escaped the bombs and died from old age at eighty-eight years old.

After he completed his studies, my father worked as a public servant in the Department of Forestry. He worked there for a while and was badly treated and had to quit. After a year, he reapplied for the job and worked for the same Department.

One day father went to stamp the logs in the forest in Chonburi province area and saw a newly born baby who was a worker’s child. The mother died after the labour whereas the father, according to the villagers, was a drunkard, during his wife’s labour, he was drunk and said that he would get a midwife and disappeared ever since. At that time my father was single but when he saw the baby, he took pity on it and adopted the child and asked grandmother (paternal side) to mind the child.

Later father went to Nakornratchasima province (Korat), while he was walking in the market, he saw a beautiful woman. She was so attractive that he fell in love with her at first sight and followed her home. Mother was very pretty; she was a dressmaker and looked after her mother on her own. Whenever someone was courting mother, he had to be approved by her mother first. If she didn’t like any young man, she would dust the table and keep doing it and didn’t move anywhere (even there was no dust- it means to chase him away). Father passed the first test i.e. he didn’t see grandmother’s duster. Due to his love for mother, though the journey between Bangkok and Nakornratchasima province (Korat) was very tough at that time but he did travel between Bangkok and Nakornratchasima province (Korat) for many years…..Because father’s heart was with mother only.

Until mother agreed to marry him, after the wedding, he took her to live in Bangkok. They had three children together i.e. my two elder brothers and myself.

When I was about two years old, we moved to Saraburi province. When I turned fifteen, father moved to work at Konkaen province by himself. Mother and the children remained in Saraburi province. One night about 11pm to midnight mother complained of a headache and vomited two three times though there was no sign of any sickness before. But mother didn’t want to see a doctor and went to bed. In the morning I tried to wake her up but she didn’t. I sent her to the hospital and the doctor diagnosed that she died of heart failure at the age of fifty-three.

Not long after mother died, Father listened to the Dhamma program for people from a radio station in Konkaen province. In the program they mentioned about Luang Phaw Dattajivo’s tapes on the “Blessing of life”. He liked them very much and traveled by bus from Konkaen province to the temple to buy the tapes. When he first saw the temple, he liked it straightaway because it was peaceful and clean. After that Father came to the temple every first Sunday of the month and took me with him.

When father was sixty years old he suffered from heart disease. On a long journey, he could hardly breathe but he still came to the temple and never missed any ceremonies. I had to walked behind him with a chair. He would sit and rest whenever he felt tired. When he regained strength, he would keep walking to the area of ceremony.

Later his saliva leaked and could only make very short and slow steps. The doctor diagnosed that he might have hydrocephalus. He had an operation but his condition didn’t improve. Currently father is sixty-eight years old. He cannot come to the temple any more, he can only lies down and watches the DMC program from Dow Dhamma (Dhamma satellite).

My eldest brother was normal when he was born. He was cute, had fair complexion and chubby. When he was about one year old, he begun to convulse from time to time. Mother tried to take him to conventional and traditional doctors but he still didn’t recover. The convulsion became gradually more violent until the doctor said one side of the brain didn’t work, that affected his right arm and leg. When he was about fifteen, there was a small growth on the skin on the side of his nose. It was as big as the red or mung bean. It grew bigger and busted and a new one came up. The doctor said this disease related to the brain and was incurable. The convulsion still occurred. Also brother refused to walk but pushed himself on his butt. He was very afraid to touch the ground with his feet. He lifted his heels to avoid the ground until his body slanted to one side. This made his helper carry all his weight. This caused Mother to fall many times. After mother passed away, I had to take her place in taking him to the hospital. I had to lift him from the wheelchair to go over the threshold as the wheelchair could not go over. As I have to lift my brother who is twice as heavy as I am, it caused a slip disc in my spine, which affected my health. That made me have headache and feel weak frequently.

When he was about twenty-two years old, he started to hurt himself by biting his arm till it bled. He did that for a while and changed to scratch his face. Sometimes he hit the mirror until he bled all over. He is now thirty-six years old and still hurt himself. He is in the care of my adopted brother.

I myself was working for the Department of Forestry at Saraburi province and had a direct sale business at the same time. One day I attended a seminar in Bangkok. By the time it finished it was about 2am. I returned to Saraburi province by bus. While I was in my deep sleep at the back of the bus, I woke up with a jerk because a thief was taking my necklace from my neck. As I didn’t want to have problems, I got away from the thief by moving to sit in the front seat. Then the thieves continued to steal necklaces from other victims until they got to the ones sitting in the front seat. I couldn’t bear it any longer. I stood up and said to the thief without any fear: “It’s too much, how could you do that.”

At that time I was twenty-three years old, I had only one cutter but there were three robbers. They swore at me: You b..ch, it’s non of your business.” Oh! As I was treated like this, I quickly kept control of myself and said: “Don’t swear at me like this, If you have anything we could discuss calmly. I forgot that with robbers it is impossible to talk to nicely. After that I swore at them torrentially. At the end the three robbers couldn’t stand my words and gave up and fled. After that everyone on the bus was speechless in the beginning and then praised me “How could you do this?”

In 2003 I often got sick and felt weak. Sometimes I didn’t even have the strength to breathe, I was very tired. Not only that I had acnes on my face as big as a lemon. They broke and had pus, this became very painful I would have a sty in my eyes approximately once every few months. Each time it was very painful until I could hardly open my eyes. Sometimes it had to be incised to get rid of pus. But recently my condition got better.

Questions:

1. What karmic retribution made my grandfather (paternal side) happy to sit on a chair day and night for many years until he suffered from sores and had to have an operation and died because he couldn’t cope with the pain? What was his vision and after he died where did he go? Did he receive the merit dedicated to him?

2. What karmic retribution made my grandmother have to risk her life with the bombardment during the Second World War? What made her escape the bomb? Where did she go after death? Did she receive the merit dedicated to her?

3. What merit made my mother very pretty and passed away so easily? Where did she go after death? Did she receive the merit dedicated to her?่

4. What karmic retribution made my father badly treated until he had to quit his job? And after one year he reapplied for the job and stayed there until he retired? What made him suffer from heart disease and hydrocephalus? Is there any way to terminate this karmic retribution?

5. How did my father and my adopted brother relate in the past life to make them become father and son in this life? What made my father find my brother while he had no parents to look after him?

6. What karmic retribution made my eldest brother suffer from convulsion and became disabled with withered arm and leg on one side and that one side of the brain was not working, had a growth from the nose and like to hurt himself until today? Why was he afraid of stepping on the ground? How can he terminate this kamma?

7. What karmic retribution made my brothers and I become siblings and had to look after the eldest brother who suffered from brain dysfunctional and had to look after him for the rest of his life? What should we do to terminate this kamma?

8. What karmic retribution made me have to lift my eldest brother who is twice as heavy as I am and made me have slipped disc and I had to clean grandfather after he excreted feces?

9. What karmic retribution made me weak and have pimples on the face which are as big as a lemon and had a sty every two three months?

10. What made me become dare devil to fight the three thieves back though I only have one cutter? What made me experienced that?

11. How did three of us and father pursue perfection with the community and what was our duty in the era of the king who renounced the kingdom?

12. I have a younger friend who pursued merit together, how did this friend pursue perfection with the community and what was his duty in the community of the king who renounced the kingdom?

With my deepest respect to Luang Phaw.

Luang Phaw's Dream

I closed my eyes, dreamed and woke up with these answers.
When you tell anybody the story like a tale, it will make anyone know more about retribution (Law of Kamma)

1. Grandfather (paternal side) was happy sitting on a chair day and night for many years until his body became stiff and suffered from sores and had to have an operation and died. Because in the past life he had a similar career to the policeman in this life. After he caught a criminal he liked to punish him by tying him to a chair for a confession. Some criminals were tied to a chair and left to starve for many days. This kamma came to fruition.

After grandfather died, he was taken by the hell denizens to Yomaloka (purgatory) due to kamma of drinking alcohol. He is being forced to drink hot molten metal. He is in agony.
And after he has received the merit dedicated to him, his punishment is reduced but his kamma is not exhausted. You have to dedicate more merit to him!

2. Grandmother (paternal side) had to endure the bombardment during the Second World War but escaped from it. Because in the past life she rejoiced in the bad deeds when her countrymen made war with another country, but she didn’t have the killing kamma for these reason she survived!

After death she became a normal earth sprite due to the merit made according to the tradition.

She has received the merit dedicated to her. This has improved her situation in every way. You should dedicate more merit to her more frequently!

3. Your mother was good looking because she helped cleaning the cetiya’s ground!

She died easily because it was the end of her life span!
After death she wandered in the house for a while due to her attachment to the family. She was reborn as a human and can’t receive the merit dedicated to her!

4. Your father was badly treated until he had to quit the job but when he reapplied for the job, he was working there until he retired because in the past life he used to work as a public servant and badly treated his subordinates until they had to leave work. The misdeed came to fruition. But due to the merit from helping and supporting his other subordinates as such he got the job back!

Your father suffered from heart disease, and hydrocephalus because in the past life he was born in an agricultural society, he made old animals worked hard until they couldn’t cope then he killed them for food. This kamma came to fruition!

To rectify, he should make every merit including giving (dana), observing the precepts and meditate and release live animals and fish and frequently dedicate the merit to those he had harmed!

5. Your father and adopted brother are father and son in this life because in the past life they were father and son. But your adopted brother tended to be naughty and ran away from home for a while because he was angry with his parents. And every time he got irritated he often said: “ let us never be related to each other again.”

But later he asked for forgiveness and had made merit together with his parents. This merit made your father feel sorry for the child and adopted him.

Your father found your adopted brother while he didn’t have any real parents to look after him due to the wrong speech kamma as mentioned. When he was angry he said:’ Let us never be parents and child”. This kamma came to fruition.
But later he asked for forgiveness from his parents in that life and also, he made merit together with them, this made them live together again!

6. Your eldest brother suffered from convulsion and withered limbs on one side and one side of the brain didn’t function, also he was afraid to step on the ground because

In the past life, he was a truant and liked to drink alcohol. When he was drunk, he tended to fight with people. One time there was brawl with another group of drunkards, he then hit his opponent’s face with an alcohol bottle until his nose was broken and became infected. After he fell on the ground, your eldest brother hit the drunkard’s face on the ground until the his face and nose were seriously damaged. Sometimes when he had a fight he would harm his opponent until the brain became damaged.

Also one time he punished his nephew and locked him up in the house and threatened him that, “If you step on the ground, you will be seriously punished. All these kammas came to fruition.

To rectify, he should accrue every merit and dedicate it to the ones he had harmed!

7. Yourself and your second brother are siblings and had to look after the eldest brother who had brain damage and had to take care of him for the rest of his life because

All of you were siblings in that life. When your eldest brother asked for money from both of you to buy alcohol, both of you liked to give him money out of annoyance and love. This kamma made you have to look after the eldest brother.
To rectify this you should accept it and make every merit and resolve to escape from the karmic retribution because your eldest brother wouldn’t recovered from it, due to the above mentioned kammic retribution.

8. You had to lift your brother who is twice as heavy as you are, this made you suffer from slipped disc because of the kammic retribution in the past life when you were born in the agricultural society you made animals carry very heavy load, too heavy for them. They suffered a lot. The kamma came to fruition!

You had to clean your grandfather after he excreted feces because it was your new merit that you take care of your elder relative and it is also your grandfather’s old merit that he had taken care of relatives in the past life.

9. You felt weak and had big pimples on the face as big as a lemon and you had a sty every 2-3 months because in the past life you used to tie up animals and send them to the slaughterhouse, that made you feel weak.

You liked to talk down to people to make them lose face this made you suffer from big pimples on the face as big as a lemon. Also you tended to pick on people’s fault and used to aim your arrow to shoot animals for sport. Therefore you have sty every 2-3 months as mentioned above.

10. You were a dare devil to fight back three robbers even you had only one cutter because you had this habit when you were born as a man, you didn’t like to give in easily.

You experienced that because ---you ridiculed the person you disliked who was robbed. This kamma came to fruition.

11. You and your brothers are still single at the moment because you haven’t met the person you like and also you felt bored with the householder life.

Three of you and your father pursued perfection with the community as supporters in the provision section you did it according to your mood. Sometimes you did with all your might. You felt joyful when listened to the Dhamma and wanted to lead a monastic life. But when you were distant from the community you would become a householder. You got bored easily with a household life and monastic life. You were like this many times. Your mind is not steady and you have the merit for short ordination!

12. Your younger friend who pursues perfection together with you, did it with the community like a supporter in the provision section and he is similar to you.

He easily gets bored of household life and easily gets bored of not being a householder. If you wanted to lead a celibate life, you should be highly motivated to change your old plan!

This life as you’ve met the community, be determined to pursue perfection with all your strength in every merit and resolve to follow the community to Tusita (the 4th level of heaven), the special merit zone, the Borom Bodhisatwa area and never stray ever from it.