The 38 Ways to Happiness
Blessing Two:
Associating with the Wise
D. RECOGNIZING A WISE ONE
D.1 Tell-tale Behaviours (5)
Many of the characteristics of a Wise One mentioned above may not be immediately apparent to us because they are not external features. Thus we may have to look at the following five characteristics which will betray the wholesome inward qualities of someone who is wise:
1. The wise like to shepherd others to live their lives in a proper way. Asked where one can go on a Sunday, he will reply, “to the temple of course — don’t waste your time going to the cinema.” Or passing him in the street, “it looks like rain, you ought to get the harvest in before it spoils.” If you were to meet a fool in the same circumstances, he’d give you altogether different advice — “it looks like rain, if you’re feeling aches & pains you’d be better off down at the bar with a stiff whisky down your throat!” Both the fool and the wise man are persuaders but their persuasion leads to different results indeed.
2. The wise take full responsibility for the things that are their own business. Apart from being responsible, they will influence those around them to be responsible in the same way. What the wise won’t do is interfere with other peoples’ business. They know where to draw the line in order to avoid nosing into others’ affairs. The fool by contrast is often more interested in interfering in other peoples’ business than he is about taking responsibility for what he’s meant to be doing.
3. The wise favour the honest and the decent. Its no use trying to persuade him to be dishonest or unscrupulous, because he is above those sort of things. The fool by contrast is proud of the fact that he can get away with anything. Nothing is too low for him.
4. The wise man is not easily angered. He is grateful for criticism from others. The fool, by contrast, even if criticized in the politest of ways will lose his temper. Even if someone offers him criticism with the best of possible intentions, he’ll turn round with a scowl and answer back, “you’ve been constantly picking on my faults”.
Many of the characteristics of a Wise One mentioned above may not be immediately apparent to us because they are not external features. Thus we may have to look at the following five characteristics which will betray the wholesome inward qualities of someone who is wise:
1. The wise like to shepherd others to live their lives in a proper way. Asked where one can go on a Sunday, he will reply, “to the temple of course — don’t waste your time going to the cinema.” Or passing him in the street, “it looks like rain, you ought to get the harvest in before it spoils.” If you were to meet a fool in the same circumstances, he’d give you altogether different advice — “it looks like rain, if you’re feeling aches & pains you’d be better off down at the bar with a stiff whisky down your throat!” Both the fool and the wise man are persuaders but their persuasion leads to different results indeed.
2. The wise take full responsibility for the things that are their own business. Apart from being responsible, they will influence those around them to be responsible in the same way. What the wise won’t do is interfere with other peoples’ business. They know where to draw the line in order to avoid nosing into others’ affairs. The fool by contrast is often more interested in interfering in other peoples’ business than he is about taking responsibility for what he’s meant to be doing.
3. The wise favour the honest and the decent. Its no use trying to persuade him to be dishonest or unscrupulous, because he is above those sort of things. The fool by contrast is proud of the fact that he can get away with anything. Nothing is too low for him.
4. The wise man is not easily angered. He is grateful for criticism from others. The fool, by contrast, even if criticized in the politest of ways will lose his temper. Even if someone offers him criticism with the best of possible intentions, he’ll turn round with a scowl and answer back, “you’ve been constantly picking on my faults”.
If you smile at him, he’ll interpret your smile as teasing and turn his back on you. Even just speaking to a fool can make him lose his temper. Sometimes you don’t even need to say anything. Just seeing you look at him can upset him — “What are you looking at me like that for?” The fool is constantly on the lookout for a fight. The wise man by contrast is hard to stir to anger. Thus if you recognize yourself as hot-tempered, you ought to associate with the wise and this will gradually cool down your fiery temper. However, you shouldn’t confuse the cool-tempered wise man with the inert and irresponsive character of the sort of guy who sleeps all day and seems to do everything in slow-motion. These dopey sorts are irresponsive to nearly everything around them, but don’t think they’re free of all defilements. They are another breed of person altogether from the wise men we aim to associate with.
5. The wise favour self discipline and orderliness. When we live together in society with a huge number of other people, if we don’t comply with the laws laid down in society, we end up as misanthropes. The regulations say that when you are at the temple, at the appropriate time you must come to sit in the main pavilion and sit in neat lines, without encroaching on the people sitting next to you, that way there is enough space for everyone and everyone has an equal area to sit in. The fool, however, doesn’t respect the rules. He doesn’t like obeying anyone or anything. He’ll be the only one to sit out of line, sticking out like a sore thumb. He’s like a spanner in the works. For temples in general, people go to the temple with the best of intention to accrue as much merit as possible but when it comes to mealtimes, they end up fighting to get to the front of the queue like vultures. In the morning they are like angels walking on the Earth, but when lunchtime comes, they are like hungry ghosts!
5. The wise favour self discipline and orderliness. When we live together in society with a huge number of other people, if we don’t comply with the laws laid down in society, we end up as misanthropes. The regulations say that when you are at the temple, at the appropriate time you must come to sit in the main pavilion and sit in neat lines, without encroaching on the people sitting next to you, that way there is enough space for everyone and everyone has an equal area to sit in. The fool, however, doesn’t respect the rules. He doesn’t like obeying anyone or anything. He’ll be the only one to sit out of line, sticking out like a sore thumb. He’s like a spanner in the works. For temples in general, people go to the temple with the best of intention to accrue as much merit as possible but when it comes to mealtimes, they end up fighting to get to the front of the queue like vultures. In the morning they are like angels walking on the Earth, but when lunchtime comes, they are like hungry ghosts!
In conclusion, the good thing about associating with the wise is that it will develop our discretion to be that of the wise with whom we associate — or to come to the real point — it will allow our mind to become bright and clear like that of the wise man.
D.2 Qualities of a Wise One’s Friendship
Alternatively, the Wise One can also be noticed by his characteristics of being a true friend who exhibits all three sorts of responsibility:
● responsibility for his own personal dignity
● responsibility for the human dignity of others
● responsibility for a fair economic system
In our association with such Wise Ones, we will be able to recognize their level of responsibility from the quality of their friendship. If we are a good friend to them, then we should see the following characteristics in the friendship which is returned. However, even amongst True Friends, the responsibility can be manifested in different ways. The Buddha subdivided True Friends into four groups. He identified each group by four examples of behaviours — giving a total of sixteen characteristics to look for in a good friend.
1. The Helpful Friend [upakaraka]
2. The Constant Friend [samanasukhadukkha]
3. The Friend of Wise Counsel [atthakkhayi]
4. The Sympathetic Friend [anukampaka]
1. a helpful friend is one who:
1. protects you even when you are off your guard;
2. helps protect your property even when you neglect it;
3. is your refuge in times of danger;
4. always provides you with twice as much as you asked for;
2. a constant friend is constant in bad times and good:
1. they confide in you;
2. they don’t go spreading your secrets around;
3. they don’t abandon you when you fall on hard times;
4. they would even die in your place;
3. they give you good counsel:
1. they warn you against unwholesome behaviour
2. encourage you towards wholesome behaviour;
3. save up new things to tell you;
Alternatively, the Wise One can also be noticed by his characteristics of being a true friend who exhibits all three sorts of responsibility:
● responsibility for his own personal dignity
● responsibility for the human dignity of others
● responsibility for a fair economic system
In our association with such Wise Ones, we will be able to recognize their level of responsibility from the quality of their friendship. If we are a good friend to them, then we should see the following characteristics in the friendship which is returned. However, even amongst True Friends, the responsibility can be manifested in different ways. The Buddha subdivided True Friends into four groups. He identified each group by four examples of behaviours — giving a total of sixteen characteristics to look for in a good friend.
1. The Helpful Friend [upakaraka]
2. The Constant Friend [samanasukhadukkha]
3. The Friend of Wise Counsel [atthakkhayi]
4. The Sympathetic Friend [anukampaka]
1. a helpful friend is one who:
1. protects you even when you are off your guard;
2. helps protect your property even when you neglect it;
3. is your refuge in times of danger;
4. always provides you with twice as much as you asked for;
2. a constant friend is constant in bad times and good:
1. they confide in you;
2. they don’t go spreading your secrets around;
3. they don’t abandon you when you fall on hard times;
4. they would even die in your place;
3. they give you good counsel:
1. they warn you against unwholesome behaviour
2. encourage you towards wholesome behaviour;
3. save up new things to tell you;
4. point you in the direction of heaven.
4. they empathize with you:
1. they don’t laugh at your misfortunes;
2. they congratulate you on your good fortune,
3. they speak out against anyone who maligns you,
4. they stand up for those who speak well of you
4. they empathize with you:
1. they don’t laugh at your misfortunes;
2. they congratulate you on your good fortune,
3. they speak out against anyone who maligns you,
4. they stand up for those who speak well of you
As you can see, all sixteen characteristics of the True Friend are characteristics that lead to the creation of positivity.
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