Inability to control oneself when angryReasons for stubbornnessThere are sixteen possible traits that create stubbornness in the face of criticism1. Determination to do evil:Some people will wish for success in the most evil things. For example, some want to get rich, so they become a drug dealer, smuggling heroin, or gambling. Some want to gain good rank and title at work by mudslinging, make them look better than their colleague. Even others try to correct them, but they never listen.2. Self-conceited:Some people make overestimation of themselves that they are superior to everyone else. They are so arrogant that they don’t listen to any criticism or advice.3. Losing one’s temper easily:They always lose the temper with the person given them advice. They are likely to have no second chance of getting a helping hand.4. Vengefulness:They are not only angry with others for the moment, but even long after the event they still harnessing a grudge for that person for several years. They don’t know how to put a smile on the face, having a displeased face all day to no one.5. Inability to control oneself when angry:Not only unable to control their facial gestures when angry, they also physically express their anger aggressively e.g. stamping, slamming doors or spitting etc.6. Those who want to have the last word when criticized:They are impatient when criticized, they would be content to have the last word, are not careful of their word in responding back. For example, when someone told them that they dress inappropriately for the temple, they will answer back “does it bother anyone?”7. Those that have an excuse for everything:When others try to help correct their flaw, they will find every excuse for doing whatever they like. E.g. they dress up inappropriately to visit their seniority, when being criticize, they will response that “ I rather dress the way I am than being pretentious”They tend to be pessimistic and suspicious on the intentionof people criticizing them and never listen to others.8. Those who give others the brush –off:Whenever someone tries to give them advice, they will chase them away saying something like “Aren’t you just spending all your time catching my faults?”9. Those who find a callous way of answering back:Tnstead of accepting the advice and showing enthusiasm to follow it, they will always find a way of answering back to the person who gives them advice in a way that will hurt them. They will say something like, “Don’t worry about me, instead use your time more efficiently and worry about your own husband and children”10. Those who change the subject to avoid speaking about the matter:When they are being criticized over their mistakes, they will try to conceal by changing the subject being discussed, because they don’t want to admit their mistakes and don’t want to lose face.11. Those who become suspicious of the person who advises them:They tend to be pessimistic and suspicious on the intention of people criticizing them and never listen to others.12. Those who persecute everyone who tried to advise them in order to hide their faults:They had some hidden mistake to themselves, if someone bring up any tiny matter to them, they will be so anxious, frighten and afraid that others will find out their mistake, so they are always paranoid, not able to concentrate on anybody’s words of advice or criticism.13. They are ungrateful persons who do not appreciate the favor received from others:They like to disparage or humiliate the person who gave them favor in order to make themselves look superior, because they feel disgraceful to own any debt of gratitude to the inferior person or who they think, is not worthy of showing gratitude to.14. Those who are extremely jealous and selfish:They are so narrowed minded that they are unable to receive any advice from others, afraid that others will be better off than them.15. Those who are boasting and arrogant:They are boasting around about their goodness and talent so often that they feel they are already superior to others. Never listen to any word of others.16. Someone who has views which deviate severely from reality:They have fault attitude toward the world. They disobey, not compromise and disrespect others. They will resist any word from others.When the mind is pure, not distracted, we will be ableto reflect wisely on the advice given to us by others.Correction of stubborn habits for laypeopleAll above 16 characteristics are the habits causing stubbornness that hinder us to correct our weakness. In order to become a person who is easy to teach, we can try to get rid of the above 16 habits by1. Reflect on the harm you bring to yourself by your obstinacy:The obstinacy doesn’t allow us to acquire any goodness from the others, like a paralyzed person who is surrounded by many goodness but cannot make use of that goodness. If we are so stubborn, nobody will render any advice or is willing to teach us. We will have to live a foolish life associated with unwholesomeness.2. Train yourself in respect and being optimistic:Whatever criticism you might receive from others, extend a heart of gratitude towards them, because the trouble they have taken to criticize us shows that they have high expectations of us. Whether the matter is accurate or not, hear out the criticism first instead of rushing to answer them back or pick a fight with them. Reflect upon the Buddhist proverb that “he, who gives us personal advice and criticism, is the one who points the way to the treasure.”3. Invite criticism from others:Means open the opportunity for others to criticize us whether the person is older, equal or younger than you, for example, it is a monastic disciplines that on the last day of the Buddha lent, there will be a meeting for the monastic monks, senior monks or junior monks. They will invite criticism from one another. This principle can also be applied to lay people, such as in the organization, in the household. When we practice them often, we will be accustomed to it and become our habit.4. Meditation often and regularly:When the mind is pure, not distracted, we will be able to reflect wisely on the advice given to us by others. When the mind is still and clam, we will be able to identify our weakness and apply such advices to improve our personal weakness.Able to listen to the DhammaDealing with stubbornnessThere are basically three categories of stubborn people in the world:1. Stubborn because of the foolishness and laziness: They are the ignorant people.2. Stubborn because of self-conceited as a person who know all: they are the people who refuse to agree or compromise.3. Stubborn because of hatred and anger: They are the short tempered people.Useful reminders when dealing with different categories of stubborn people1. Stubborn with ignorance:They are stubborn because of their foolishness and laziness. They just love to take the order. They will do whatever they are ordered to do, but are not able to take any advice because their ignorance cannot absorb the advice they try not to listen to the advice.2. Stubborn with intransigent:In fact they are intelligent people, but they are not aware that they are only intelligent in the subjects they have studied and there are many more things that they are not yet knowledgeable in. They assume that they already know everything there is to lnow. They will not accept it would be useful to them. If the person is not too self – conceited, they should be able to accept the advice and follow through. But if the person is too self-conceited, not taking any advice or criticism, we will have to leave them alone.3. Stubborn with short-tempered:They will lose their temper upon hearing the slightest thing they disagree with. It is very hard to expect any kind of cooperation from these types of stubborn people. They are likely to cause disharmony of the community. Leave them alone in the hand of psychiatrist.In dealing with the stubborn subordinated in the work place. First, even after you ordered them and taught them and they still do not respond, the next step would be to punish them, e.g. by reducing theur salary, take a probation leave or any means that is appropriated. But if they still do not respond, we might use the punishment known in Buddhist tradition as the “Brahma danda treatment” or what people call a boycott. This can be explained by one of the following story from the Buddha era.Channa was a person who attends upon the Buddha when the Buddha was Prince Siththatta who rode on a horse named Kantaka abandoned the throne to ordain. Channa had ordained but he was so stubborn, being self-conceited that he used to attend upon Prince Siththata and never listened to anybody’s advice. Venerable Ananda asked for help from the Buddha to help correcting venerable Channa. The Buddha advised that after the decease of the Buddha, penalize venerable Channa by having the monastic monks refrain from associating with him as if Venerable Channa wouldn’t exist, and allow him to do anything as he wants, soon until he became an odd monk in the monastic community. Venerable Channa felt guilty of and confessed to the monastic community that he would not longer be stubborn.Therefore, in any workplace, schoolor household when there is a stubborn child who is difficult to receive criticism and advice, the parents can exercise the “Brahma dhana treatment” to cease the stubbornness efficiently. But if instead it are the parents who are stubborn, the child would not be able to exercise the “Brahma dhana treat”, but should consider any appropriate way on a case to case basic.The Benefits of being open to the criticism1. Attract other’s compassion and kindness to give us advice.2. Able to listen to the Dhamma3. Able to cultivate the virtues of Dhamma which are the refuge in life4. Free from the unwholesome retributions.5. Able to attain higher level of Dhamma.“We should perceive the wise one who points out faults and who reproves, as a person who guides us to a hidden treasure.We should associate with that kind of wise one, because being associated with them; we will always be better and never wors”25/16/25" /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " />
Openness to Criticism # 2
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