How To Plant Habits In Children So TheyWill Become Disciplined And Responsible (Mai Sab)#1Dhamma training behavior.What are the lessons to train children in to become disciplined and responsible?Behavior with regards to the rules of Dhamma is the lesson, so parents have to train their children to behave according to the Dhamma rules and to control their emotions as well.Chilren should be trained through the four facors of life. It should be strict but not stressful.What behaviors should be trained?1) Talking behavior.2) Timing behavior.3) Cleaning behavior.4) Organizing behavior.5) Dhamma training behavior.If parents can train these 5 behaviors with regards to their children, the children will not be harmful to anyone.The first 4 rules are real life behaviors, while the fifth one is the Dhamma one.First of all, parents, you have to imagine yourselves as your children’s age. What did you do wrong at that time? How could you improve yourselves? If you have good solutions, you can train your children more easily.1) Talking BehaviorTalking behavior is a big issue for childrens’ lives in the future because “Before talking, we’re the bosses of the words. After talking, the words are our boss.”Words can make the speaker have either a better life or a worse one.The first step to train talking behavior is training children to be honest to their parents. If children can lie to parents, they can lie to any one in the world. That might cause many troubles to others.Many previous Kings realized this fact, so there was a rule that stated, “A king will never withdraw what he said.” If a king lies, he will lose the trust of his people.Thai people keep on repeating that, “Being a human has to do with what has been said. Just say only what you can do. Then it becomes a trustworthy word, which leads to success in the future.”The Lord Buddha mentioned to Phra Rahula, the monk who was the first Samaners (novice monk) of the Buddha, “Rahula, if you can lie to others, you are not afraid to do bad things in the world, so, there’s nothing worse you can do. So we shouldn’t do that even just for a joke.”Parents have to train children to have prophetic speaking.How to train children to be honest:There are 3 important factors:1) Children should have a prototype person who always says the truth.2) Parents should be able to explain the bad points of lying.3) Parents have to train children to have prophetic speaking.1) Children should have a prototype person who always says the truth, which is in reference to the parents – no lying to the children and others, no gossiping about others, and no lying even as a joke.2) Parents should be able to explain the bad points of lying. Every time someone wants to lie, s/he has to lie to him/herself 3 times.First Lie: Prepare a story that is about a lie.Second Lie: Lie as planned.Third Lie: Keep in mind the story of the lie so that others do not catch it.If it’s an important story, s/he has to keep on lying; otherwise, others might know the truth. If s/he keeps on lying for a long time, s/he might confuse him/herself whether it’s lying or the truth. Later, s/he might not be able to decide anything because s/he lost his /her basic state of mind.Why is the basic state of mind lost? Because every time s/he lies, there’s a false story instead of true story in his/her mind. The mire s/he lies the more false stories are in his/her mind. Finally, his/her basic state of mind is filled with false stories.A person who always lies might develop a short memory syndrome (Alzheimer’s disease) like old people. The power of his/her word will be lessened. It‘s hard to make anyone believe when they actually speak the truth. Others will lose respect for them.If parents want the children to be obedient, they should always speak the truth, and not even lie as a joke.3) Parents have to train children to have prophetic speaking.Besides training children to say only the truth, parents also have to train them to be able to choose what it is they should or should not say. If some of the story is the truth, but it isn’t useful to anyone, it shouldn’t be said. A good speaker should also know how to be calm.Parents should be able to explain the bad points of lying.“Knowing how to be calm” is to know the good and bad of what shouldn’t be said more than what should be said.The Lord Buddha mentioned the good speaking factor as the tenth factor from “The 38 Factors of Valuable Life” (Mangala Sutta) that mentions prophetic speaking.Our words will become prophetic speaking when we practice these 5 factors:1) Speak with kindness. Before going to speak with anyone, parents should ask themselves before they talk whether what they’re going to say is of good intention or bad. If it’s from bad intention, they shouldn’t say it.2) Speak only of useful things. Ask yourself whether what you are going to say is useful for the listener or not. If it’s not, we shouldn’t say it, because it might become raving speaking.3) Speak with politeness. Not only should you speak with kindness and usefulness, but also politeness. No one would like to listen to impolite speaking. That might cause a negative reaction afterwards. It’s hard for anyone to stand listening to it, even our own children.4) Speak only the truth. If what we are going to say is not the truth, we shouldn’t say it. We will become a liar and also break the Dhamma rules (precepts). If you break the precepts you lose your usefulness. Talk to each other only with what is useful otherwise you create your own hell. The ancient Thai saying is, “Sweet mouth but a sour butt.” You cannot trust yourself and you will become forgetful.5) Speak at the right time and at the right place. People who don’t speak at the right time and the right place may cause trouble to themselves. For example, when a child sees that what an adult is doing is wrong, and says it politely in front of all the subordinates, they are speaking at the wrong place and time. It just causes the adult to be embarrassed. If we try to calm down an angry person with a weapon in his/her hand at the wrong time, we might be sticking our neck out to get our head cut off instead.Speaking is not quite an easy thing to do well. If we are not sure whether we should say it or not, we should be silent instead. The ancient Thai saying is, “if you say it you get two pennies, if you stay silent you get a gold coin.”So when the parents lay down the basics of telling the truth and teaching useful speech to the children they must not forget to teach the children to speak prophetically. It will make the children think before they speak. It will make them analyze it before they say it. Then the children will be able to speak impressively. This way the parents training of the children will be successful and the children will be successful in their future lives." /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " />
How To Plant Habits In Children So They Will Become Disciplined And Responsible (Mai Sab)#1
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