How to Manage Family Life #1Basic Thoughts Prior to MarriageThe practice of regulation one’s emotions prior to getting married is an important foundation of maintaining a marriage. But if both parties never learned to control their emotions in the past, elevating their virtues after they have married would not be possible. Instead, it will turn in a negative direction where both will hurt each other in devastating ways, and in the end, they will no longer be able to withstand each other; divorce seems to be the only solution. So learning to regulate one’s emotions prior to marriage is the best way to prevent divorce.Basic Thoughts Prior to MarriageThe belief that holds true, regardless of how many millions of years have passed, is that once a husband and a life begin their lives together, it is impossible for them not to clash with each other, or for them not to clash with their in-laws. No matter what, there is always a chance that this can happen.The major concern is that, if the couple didn’t learn how to regulate their emptions before their marriage, they would not be able to handle their disagreements in a positive manner, causing everyone in the family great distress in every sense of the word and disruption on a regular basis. They will not live a peaceful life.But if they had both trained themselves well before their marriage, no matter the degree of disagreement, they should be able to withhold their negative emotions and keep it from carrying over to the next day. The family environment will begin with a sense of calm and happiness. The couple will try to discard their bad behaviors and bring out the best in one another. An accepting and positive attitude towards each other will result, thus creating strong bonds within the family and increased prestige in society.Of course those who are able to control their cmotions must have had training before marrying. Our grandparents encountered these issues throughout their lives. They established the following tenets regarding a marriage.Anyone who can no longer wait to marry must first achieve the following four factors in order to have a successful marriage.The 4 factors are:1) Must be self-reliant.2) Must know how to choose the right spouse.3) Must have a marriage counselor.4) Must know how to purify the mind.Our grandparents insist that anyone getting ready for marriage achieve these four important factors first, so that they can handle all the responsibilities that marriage will bring them. They will know what lies ahead and what the necessary knowledge, abilities, and virtues are to become the finest couple, the best daughter-in-law, the best son-in-law and the best parents for their children. Imparting this knowledge will enhance the couple’s skills, ability and virtues so that their marriage unfolds as expected.The rest of this chapter will explain the rationale supporting each factor and why these four factors are necessary for a successful marriage.The practice of regulation one’s emotions prior to gettingmarried is an important foundation of maintaining a marriage.Expectations in MarriageOur grandparents told us the direct truth regarding the reason people get married, which is that they lack self-confidence; they are not sure if they can stand on their own two feet. When you lack confidence, you must have some hope that you will find someone else to help you with the many things in life.There are some who get married because they expect that their spouse will treat them favorably in different ways; and at the same time, they will treat their spouse favorably in return. But what really happens is that their spouses do not treat them in the way they expect at all or are not able to treat them that way 24/7. The ways the spouses are treated veer away from their expectations as well.Some men get married because they want a beautiful wife. But women can not maintain their beauty 24 hours a day. Physical beauty does not last. If it is only physical attraction that matters, when external beauty subsides, chances that a spouse will be unfaithful are high.Some people get married because they are infatuated with the other’s good behavior. They were mistaken when they thought their spouse would always be polite, but the truth is people can not sustain wonderful manners 24 hours a day.If the search for al life partner is based on “dependence,” whenever they no longer feel secure with one another, they will start fighting or pursue a lawsuit, as we often see. These problems have led to a proverb, “Faulty expectations bring disappointment.”The right frame of mind before marriage is, “I must depend on myself.” In a marriage, there are many aspects which will require the other person to depend on you. In other words, there are more issues that require patience than issues that do not require patience, which will require the knowledge, skills and virtues you developed before the marriage.Besides, there will be so many new duties that you have never done before, and you hever know whether the results will turn out good or bad. This is particularly true of being a parent of a newborn child who cannot depend on itself and must rely on its parents for many needs. In order for the children to grow into independent individuals, parents need to devote plenty of their own knowledge skills and virtues.Therefore, it is wrong to hope that you will able to depend on another person prior to getting married. The fact is the chance that others will rely in you is higher than the chance that you will rely on others." /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " /> " />
How to Manage Family Life #1
[ 6 ม.ค. 2555 ] - [ 18257 ]
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